Thanks to the J6 Hearings, America’s perception of my senator, Josh “Hawlinass” Hawley was forever changed when they showed the video of him running from the mob he fostered and incited with his infamous fist salute.
As I noted yesterday, I decided as a Missourian I should really try to curate some of the best mocking Sen. Hawlinass has been subjected to. There has been such a wealth of material I decided to do it in two parts – this being that second part.
Today I’ll be highlighting unique observations, limericks, vocal parody of Monty Python, and quite a few graphics. So let’s get started!
An in-depth search of the Hawley files going back to his youth reveals a candid video as a toddler showing we really shouldn’t be that surprised by his turning tail and running away:
In fact, Hawlinass’ infamous desertion has spread so fast that even Kermit the Frog does a great imitation of him:
You probably noticed that in my yesterday’s Part 1 post focusing on Tweets, I did not include the virtually ubiquitous one of Forrest Gump endless running. But someone did a masterful job of superimposing Hawley’s face on Forrest when he ran through the football field:
I couldn’t resist trying my hand at a bit of graphic creativity myself:
I’d be remiss if I also didn’t showcase Hawlinass’ own creative skills. It appears he’s actually authored two books. One already published:
And one that won’t be published until next May 16, 2023, that Hawlinass unbelievably titled “Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs”.
And no, I’m NOT kidding on the second book – straight from Barnes & Noble:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/manhood-josh-hawley/1141411331
And JL was correct – Missouri Democrats have announced they are trolling Hawlinass Hawley with the “Hawlin’ Hawley 5K Run”.:
📢And we present…
Hawlin' Hawley Virtual 5K! Join us from anywhere (Josh, you in VA?) and help Missouri make big strides 🏃 past this guy.
Register to join us next week: https://t.co/xY3bbjJBme
Oh, and don't miss the next tweet – merch is comin' along with more details! pic.twitter.com/xXMpouFQdB
— Missouri Democrats (@MoDemParty) July 22, 2022
Fortunately, it’s a virtual event that you can do from anywhere for a whole week. And I’ve already am registered and have my ticket:
Missouri Democratic State Committee – Federal Account — Donate via ActBlue
Well, of course Missouri Democrats realized Hawlinass tucking tail and running is a ready-made moneymaker! So of course, there are t-shirts, coffee mugs and buttons available at their store. I bought a couple of t-shirts & coffee mugs – and you can too!
Missouri Democratic State Committee Webstore (missouridemocrats.org)
I noted there are quite a few other coffee mugs out there mocking Hawley’s own “Show Me Strong” mug:
There’s a wonderful – and very detailed – analysis of Hawlinass’ run to find how fast he did run. Using an umbrella stand he found in the corner of the video, he was able to measure the distance he covered in his sprint. He thereby determined that Hawlinass ran the 40 in 7.2 seconds!
https://www.sbnation.com/2022/7/22/23274106/josh-hawley-january-6-capitol-run-40-time
The Poetry Corner
Some wordsmiths were inspired by Hawlinass to create a few limericks and update the famous Monty Python rendition of “Brave Sir Robin”:
Josh Hawley went out to incite
The mob in DC with delight.
He stood as their cheerer
And when they came nearer
He galloped away in a fright
https://twitter.com/Limericking/status/1550301426001248256
Which then inspired these:
There once was a man from Missouri
Whose ethical vision was blurry
His fist he did pump
In support of old Trump
Before fleeing his job in a hurry.
Josh Hawley, he tried to deliver
A performance with nary a quiver
But when the mob got rough
He wasn’t so tough
And away Hawley ran like a river.
Did you see what the Senator did?
What he’d like to keep buried and hid?
He fled like a kitten
Or a dog that’s been bitten
Thus killing his national bid.
He raised up his fist like a bro,
To honor the Karens and Joes.
But then they got raucous
And too close to his caucus
Now Hawley’s the clown of the show.
https://lithub.com/josh-hawley-is-a-bitch-and-other-poetic-mockeries-of-a-cowardly-senator/
And a mildly R-rated one:
There once was a Senator Hawley
Mocked for supporting Trump’s folly
By pumping his fist
But look at that wrist
It’s limp as his pecker, by golly!
And closing with a great parody of Monty Python “Brave Sir Robin” with Brave Sir Robin’s protests dubbed in by Hawlinass:
HAWLEY: “That’s, that’s enough music for now lads. There’s dirty work to do.”
CHORUS: Brave Sir Robin ran away.
[“No!”]
Bravely ran away away.
[“I didn’t!”]
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
[“I never!”]
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
[“You’re lying!”]
Swiftly taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the brave, Sir Hawley!
It’s been great fun to make fun of Hawley, but we need to remember that there’s a serious aspect to this episode. Serving as my Senator, I can categorically state that he is a vile, dangerous and unscrupulous person who has been placed in a position of great power.
We’ve all seen the videos of other elected officials during the 1/6 Capitol riot aiding each other and providing comfort to anxious peers. But NOT Hawley. He truly did a “Brave Sir Robin” and ran away by himself – focused only saving his own hide and showing not a bit of concern for others.
I hope and believe that at least the line from the Oscar-winning musical, “Hamilton” will be true:
