1st Grade Reader: “See Josh Run. Run, Josh, Run” [Part 2]

 Posted by at 7:20 pm  Politics
Jul 242022
 

Thanks to the J6 Hearings, America’s perception of my senator, Josh “Hawlinass” Hawley was forever changed when they showed the video of him running from the mob he fostered and incited with his infamous fist salute.

As I noted yesterday, I decided as a Missourian I should really try to curate some of the best mocking Sen. Hawlinass has been subjected to.   There has been such a wealth of material I decided to do it in two parts – this being that second part.

Today I’ll be highlighting unique observations, limericks, vocal parody of Monty Python, and quite a few graphics.  So let’s get started!

An in-depth search of the Hawley files going back to his youth reveals a candid video as a toddler showing we really shouldn’t be that surprised by his turning tail and running away:

In fact, Hawlinass’ infamous desertion has spread so fast that even Kermit the Frog does a great imitation of him:

You probably noticed that in my yesterday’s Part 1 post focusing on Tweets, I did not include the virtually ubiquitous one of Forrest Gump  endless running.  But someone did a masterful job of superimposing Hawley’s face on Forrest when he ran through the football field:

I couldn’t resist trying my hand at a bit of graphic creativity myself:

 

I’d be remiss if I also didn’t showcase Hawlinass’ own creative skills.  It appears he’s actually authored two books.  One already published:

And one that won’t be published until next May 16, 2023, that Hawlinass unbelievably titled “Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs”.

And no, I’m NOT kidding on the second book – straight from Barnes & Noble:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/manhood-josh-hawley/1141411331

 And JL was correct – Missouri Democrats have announced they are trolling Hawlinass Hawley with the “Hawlin’ Hawley 5K Run”.:

Fortunately, it’s a virtual event that you can do from anywhere for a whole week.  And I’ve already am registered and have my ticket:

Missouri Democratic State Committee – Federal Account — Donate via ActBlue

Well, of course Missouri Democrats realized Hawlinass tucking tail and running is a ready-made moneymaker!  So of course, there are t-shirts, coffee mugs and buttons available at their store.  I bought a couple of t-shirts & coffee mugs – and you can too!

Missouri Democratic State Committee Webstore (missouridemocrats.org)

I noted there are quite a few other coffee mugs out there mocking Hawley’s own “Show Me Strong” mug:

There’s a wonderful – and very detailed – analysis of Hawlinass’ run to find how fast he did run.  Using an umbrella stand he found in the corner of the video, he was able to measure the distance he covered in his sprint.  He thereby determined that Hawlinass ran the 40 in 7.2 seconds!

https://www.sbnation.com/2022/7/22/23274106/josh-hawley-january-6-capitol-run-40-time

 

The Poetry Corner

Some wordsmiths were inspired by Hawlinass to create a few limericks and update the famous Monty Python rendition of “Brave Sir Robin”:

Josh Hawley went out to incite

The mob in DC with delight.

He stood as their cheerer

And when they came nearer

He galloped away in a fright

 

https://twitter.com/Limericking/status/1550301426001248256

 Which then inspired these:

There once was a man from Missouri

Whose ethical vision was blurry

His fist he did pump

In support of old Trump

Before fleeing his job in a hurry.

 

Josh Hawley, he tried to deliver

A performance with nary a quiver

But when the mob got rough

He wasn’t so tough

And away Hawley ran like a river.

 

Did you see what the Senator did?

What he’d like to keep buried and hid?

He fled like a kitten

Or a dog that’s been bitten

Thus killing his national bid.

 

He raised up his fist like a bro,

To honor the Karens and Joes.

But then they got raucous

And too close to his caucus

Now Hawley’s the clown of the show.

 

https://lithub.com/josh-hawley-is-a-bitch-and-other-poetic-mockeries-of-a-cowardly-senator/

And a mildly R-rated one:

 There once was a Senator Hawley

Mocked for supporting Trump’s folly

By pumping his fist

But look at that wrist

It’s limp as his pecker, by golly!

 

And closing with a great parody of Monty Python “Brave Sir Robin” with Brave Sir Robin’s protests dubbed in by Hawlinass:

 HAWLEY: “That’s, that’s enough music for now lads.  There’s dirty work to do.”

CHORUS: Brave Sir Robin ran away.

[“No!”]

Bravely ran away away.

[“I didn’t!”]

When danger reared its ugly head,

He bravely turned his tail and fled.

[“I never!”]

Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about

And gallantly he chickened out.

[“You’re lying!”]

Swiftly taking to his feet,

He beat a very brave retreat.

Bravest of the brave, Sir Hawley!

 

 It’s been great fun to make fun of Hawley, but we need to remember that there’s a serious aspect to this episode.  Serving as my Senator, I can categorically state that he is a vile, dangerous and unscrupulous person who has been placed in a position of great power.

We’ve all seen the videos of other elected officials during the 1/6 Capitol riot aiding each other and providing comfort to anxious peers.  But NOT Hawley.  He truly did a “Brave Sir Robin” and ran away by himself – focused only saving his own hide and showing not a bit of concern for others.

I hope and believe that at least the line from the Oscar-winning musical, “Hamilton” will be true:

 

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1st Grade Reader: “See Josh Run. Run, Josh, Run” [Part 1]

 Posted by at 4:58 pm  Politics
Jul 232022
 

Sadly, Josh “Hawlinass” Hawley is my senator.  Until Thursday he was best known for his infamous seditious fist salute to fellow seditious traitors on 1/6/21.

But Thursday’s J6 Hearings changed all that!  He’ll now forever be known for fleeing the traitors that he had just saluted.  An ignominious, but oh-so-fitting, remembrance!

I’m sure you’ve all seen this clip, but I decided as a Missourian I should really try to curate some of the best mocking Sen. Hawlinass has been subjected to.

There has been such a wealth of material I decided to do it in two parts – today and tomorrow (if all goes well).

But to begin I’m going to focus on the huge number of Tweets that Fistpump McRunpants’ has generated, with quite a few from well-known folks.  Tomorrow will be limericks, a vocal parody of Monty Python, unique observations and quite a few graphics.  So stay tuned!

How fitting that Lincoln Project will lead us off:

But we also need to remember how it was (most deservedly) greeted by those in attendance at the J6 hearing – derisive laughter:

Retired Officer Michael Fanone (who was beaten with pipes, stunned with a Taser and threatened with his own gun on 1/6/21) had this to say about Hawlinass:

It should be noted that he’s not the only one who has called Hawley a BITCH:

On a lighter note, George Takei weighs in:

Joined by Al Franken:

And this note:

This one became so popular …

That you can now buy it as a t-shirt”

(I bought two of them!)

On a more serious note, my Metro’s main paper (Kansas City Star) published an editorial calling Hawley “a laughingstock”.  Unfortunately, it’s behind a serious paywall – but here are a couple of Tweets concerning it:

And before I close with an extensive music interlude, I can’ stress the importance of this post enough:

There’s been quite a few Tweets with Hawlinass’ cowardly escape that have been set to music.  Giving my hearing loss, most of it is lost on me (although I can recall some of the older tunes).  But I decided I should share it with those whose world isn’t silent:

And rather than post her nine other interludes, to save space just open Mallory Nees’ above Tweet [click on the Time & Date stamp in the lower left corner], and then scroll down.  That way it saves space, and you can pick and choose which one you want to listen to.

… But Wait – There’s More!

The Lincoln Project also has quite a few musical Tweets.  Again, I’ll let you open the first one and scroll down for the rest:

 

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I Had It w/ My Senator, So I Sent Hawley This Letter

 Posted by at 2:39 pm  Politics
Mar 252022
 

Watching some of the confirmation hearings for Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson (can only watch briefly, or I’ll blow a gasket), I finally had it with all the clowns, but especially my own senator – Joshua “I-Support-Traitorous-Insurrectionists” Hawley.  So this morning I faxed him this letter:

 

Friday, March 25, 2022

Mr. Josh Hawley

212 Russell Senate Office Building

Washington, D.C. 20510

 

RE: MERITLESS TO THE POINT OF DEMAGOGUERY

 

Mr. Hawley:

Your toddler-esque (bordering on infantile) behavior during the Senate hearings for Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson confirmation was aptly characterized by fellow Republican Andrew McCarthy in the “National Review” as a “smear” that was “meritless to the point of demagoguery”.

Let’s take a look at the FACTS that would lead to such a withering criticism from a fellow right-wing idealogue like McCarthy that was published in a dedicated radical right-wing magazine.

[I] Taking Jackson’s Remarks out of Context

From a Tweet by you on March 16:

“Judge Jackson has opined there may be a type of ‘less-serious child pornography offender.’ … ’A ‘less-serious’ child porn offender?”

The FACTS: She opined no such thing.  She was simply asking questions about it.

[II] Mischaracterizing the USSC’s Work

From another Tweet by you on March 16:

“As a member of the U.S. Sentencing Commission, Judge Jackson advocated for drastic change in how the law treats sex offenders by eliminating the existing mandatory minimum sentences for child porn.”

Two critical FACTS you chose to elide:

[1] The USSC is bipartisan, as no more than four members of the seven-member USSC can be from one party.

… and

[2] The recommendations you criticized were unanimously approved.

[III] Distorting Judge Jackson’s Record

In your long Twitter thread of March 16, you list a number of cases purportedly claiming that Judge Jackson did not meet sentencing recommendations.

Not only are you wrong on the FACTS, but you chose to ignore the 2021 USSC report of 2019 that only 30 percent of non-production child-porn offenders received a sentence within the guideline range.

In addition to ignoring the FACTS, you also chose to ignore what U.S. probation officers had recommended in these cases.

Additionally, you yourself have voted to confirm at least three federal judges who also engaged in the same pornography sentencing practices for which you criticize Judge Jackson.

Your entire toxic pornography obsession consisted of very weakly-presented misinformation that relied on cherry-picked elements of Judge Jackson’s record that were taken out of context, distorted and mischaracterized.  And it fell like a house of cards under the slightest of scrutiny.

Bottom line: You should be ashamed of yourself.  I know that the good citizens of Missouri are ashamed to have you as a senator for our state.

GROW UP!

 

Respectfully,

 

[NAME]

[CITY]

 

PS: After your raised-fist salute to the traitorous insurrectionist on January 6, 2021, rest assured that Lin-Manuel Miranda’s lyrics from his Tony Award-winning smash Broadway musical “Hamilton” apply to you:

“WELL, HE’S NEVER GOING TO BE PRESIDENT NOW!”

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Friday Fun: Cruz, Hawley & Greene Give Us Some Giggles

 Posted by at 9:26 am  Politics
Feb 262021
 

 

Today I’m going to go with the low-hanging fruit – especially since there’s such an abundant crop to pick!  Most will slant humorous, but a few have a serious message.

We all got a chuckle when Ted Cruz was pilloried for his flight to Cancún during the winter storm that ravaged Texas.  Ted had to slink back home with his tail tucked between his legs – but sporting a brand new hairdo!

Gov. Abbott rightfully earned FOUR Pinocchios for his mendacious claim that frozen wind turbines were the cause of Texas’ travails.

On a serious note, the question we face as a nation is this:  Can a country survive if it bases its decisions on lies?

Of course, we all realize that there is more than one side to any issue.  But republicans never seem to find a side that has even a kernel of truth to it.

I mean, doesn’t it seem odd how wind turbines “froze” in Texas – but did just fine in frigid Iowa, Minnesota, North Dakota and Norway?

Texas Republicans: “I’ll vote for Democrats when hell freezes over” 

Mother Nature: “Deal!”

Twitter had a few observations of the Cruz Cancún fiasco:

 

 

 

 

 

How about closing the fun part with a lively song:

 

And on another serious note, Julián Castro had a fantastic Spot-On “Take Home” Message valid at any time – but particularly when a city, state or nation is faced with a crisis:

“Don’t ever put people in charge of government who don’t believe in government.”

A huge “THANK YOU!” to Retired Lt. Gen. Russel Honoré for calling Josh Hawley a “Little Piece Of Sh*t” which ran as a chyron on Tfucker (the “T” is silent) Carlson’s show while Hawley was speaking.

“This little piece of sh*t with his Yale law degree should be run out of DC and Disbarred ASAP,” Honoré wrote of Hawley in a since-deleted tweet on Jan. 12.

 

Last and always least, MTG Marjorie Taylor Greene tried to block the Equality Act with language that was (while certainly in character for Greene) particularly vile and hurtful to Rep. Marie Newman whose daughter is transgender.

So Rep. Newman did what any proud mother would do – supported her daughter.

Being the petty little _____ (fill-in the blank with your own X-rated epithet), MTG tried to retaliate using her faux “christianity” …

But Twitter was having none of it!

(To understand a few of these, you should know that MTG openly and knowingly cheated on her husband with a tantric sex cult guru and at least one other male at the same time, and numerous times.)

SORRY – I don’t know how to get rid of the lead “Blank” source Tweet

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was inspired to create my own sign, but since I don’t belong to Twitter I’ll have to be content to post it here.

So while I’ve lost a great source for mocking (ByeDon!), it looks like Cruz, Hawley and Greene will be picking up the slack!

 

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Open Thread – 1/23/2021

 Posted by at 10:57 am  Open Thread, Personal, Politics
Jan 232021
 

It’s a tired day here in the CatBox, but my pain level is better than it was yesterday.  I think the Republicitis was exacerbating the pain.  Tomorrow is a High Holy Day in the Church of the Ellipsoid Orb.  I will spend the late afternoon booing Josh Hawley and watching my Portland Chiefs play the Buffalo Bills for the NFC title.  Tomorrow please expect no more than a Personal Update.  I have a video meeting with prison volunteer coworkers and former prisoners.  Have a fine weekend.

Jig Zone Puzzle:

Today’s took me 3:06 (average 5:09).  To do it, click here.  How did you do?

Cartoon:

Short Takes:

From Daily Kos: Seven Senate Democrats are demanding that the Senate Committee on Ethics open an investigation in the actions of Republican Sens. Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz for their actions related to the Jan. 6 violent insurrection against Congress.

The two “amplified claims of election fraud that had resulted in threats of violence against state and local officials around the country,” the Democrats write. The group—Sens. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), Ron Wyden (D-OR), Tina Smith (D-MN), Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), Mazie Hirono (D-HI), Tim Kaine (D-VA), and Sherrod Brown (D-OH)—notes that the Senate has the exclusive power to determine whether the members’ actions violated Senate ethics rules. They are asking the Ethics Committee to carry out a “thorough and fair investigation and consider any appropriate consequences based on the Committee’s findings.”

“When Senators Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley announced they would object to the counting of state-certified electors on January 6, 2021, they amplified claims of election fraud that had resulted in threats of violence against state and local officials around the country,” the senators write. “While Congress was debating Senator Cruz’s objection, a violent mob stormed the Capitol. These insurrectionists ransacked the building, stole property, and openly threatened Members of Congress and the Vice President.” The two didn’t just help incite the riot, the Democrats wrote, but “[b]y proceeding with their objections to the electors after the violent attack, Senators Cruz and Hawley lent legitimacy to the mob’s cause and made future violence more likely.”

The senators write of their concern that members of Congress could have been involved in the coordination not just of the rally that preceded the attack on the Capitol, but the attack itself. They provide a detailed and well-researched account of the events of the day as well as the background to it, including the threats of violence that were leveled against officials prior to Jan. 6, threats incited by Trump’s fraud claims and reinforced by Hawley and Cruz, who “lent legitimacy to President Trump’s false statements about election fraud by announcing that they would object to the certification of electors on January 6.”

I fully support this move. If these RNP (Republican Nazi Party) traitors are allowed to get away with it, they and others will surely do it again.  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

From YouTube (CNN Channel): Complete bunk’: Erin Burnett calls out Sen. Hawley’s explanation

 

As long as Biden agrees to the delay, it works for me. It also gives more time to gather evidence sufficiently obvious that it forces Republicans to either proclaim their own treason, like Cruz and Hawley, or to vote to convict.  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

From YouTube (Bernie Sanders Channel): We Cannot Reach Out To Republicans Indefinitely.

 

I fully agree. Republicans are most adept at holding out a fair negotiated agreement as a promise to Democrats in order to gain an advantage, only to act like Lucy with a football. Give them a chance, but one only.  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

From YouTube (a blast from the past): Fleetwood Mac – Landslide (Official Music Video)

 

Ah… the memories. We needed a landslide. We got one!  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

Build the Future. It Belongs to YOU!

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Open Thread – 1/21/2021

 Posted by at 11:40 am  Open Thread, Personal, Politics
Jan 212021
 

It’s a busy painful day here in the CatBox.  Today is a grocery delivery day from Store to Door, and I just finished unpacking and storing everything.  Tomorrow is a WWWendy day, but she is not coming until early evening, so I should be in the in the saddle.  Thinking of the former resident**, I hope a ravenous golf got his balls.

Jig Zone Puzzle:

Today’s took me 3:08 (average 4:16).  To do it, click here.  How did you do?

Cartoon:

Joe, even though Trump** is a draft evader, do NOT pardon him!

Short Takes:

From Crooks and Liars: Having made it past November, and even past the Jan. 5 runoff in Georgia, it may seem like the airwaves and signboards near you would finally be free of political ads. However … that’s not quite true. While the idea that ads are already showing up for the 2022 election cycle might even be enough to generate howls, there’s a reason that these ads should be welcomed. Because these ads are all about holding Republicans accountable for what they’ve done over the last four years.

That starts with ads that are going on the air in Wisconsin to detail the explicit connection between Sen. Ron Johnson and the violent attempt to overthrow the government. Voters to the south might not be catching those ads, but they could still run across a Josh Hawley billboard from MeidasTouch. It’s all just part of the move to clear the halls of Congress … of the people who promoted a violent attack on the halls of Congress.

0121hawleybb

I love it, but I bet I know who loves it more!  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

From NY Times: In 17 executive orders, memorandums and proclamations signed hours after his inauguration, President Biden moved swiftly on Wednesday to dismantle Trump administration policies his aides said have caused the “greatest damage” to the nation.

Despite an inaugural address that called for unity and compromise, Mr. Biden’s first actions as president are sharply aimed at sweeping aside former President Donald J. Trump’s pandemic response, reversing his environmental agenda, tearing down his anti-immigration policies, bolstering the teetering economic recovery and restoring federal efforts to promote diversity.

Here’s a look at what the measures aim to accomplish.

Click through for much more information on what those orders entail.  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

From YouTube (MSNBC Channel): Biden Signs Executive Orders; Set To Announce National Covid Strategy

 

I think Joe is off to a great start, but we need to make our voices heard, if he becomes too prone to negotiate based on Republican promises. We know how that worked for Obama.  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

From YouTube (a blast from America): God Bless the USA – I’m Proud to be an American~ Lee Greenwood Lyrics

 

I’ve waited far too many years to be able to say this again, at last!  RESIST the Republican Reich!!

Build the Future. It Belongs to YOU!

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After Last Week’s Domestic Terrorism, Some Odd & Ends

 Posted by at 2:10 pm  Politics
Jan 152021
 

You might remember from an earlier “Friday Fun” that while …

Only 13 Presidents have failed to get reelected,

Only 5 Presidents have failed to win the popular vote,

Only 4 Presidents have been impeached or resigned …

But only ONE President has hit the Trifecta and accomplished ALL THREE!!

And now we can add another accolade to Trump’s “accomplishments”: The only President to have ever been impeached TWICE!  If that doesn’t call for a double-ribbon award, I don’t know what does:

In fact, I believe the USPS should issue a commemorative stamp in his honor.  Fittingly, it would be called the “Forever Impeached Stamp”.

But knowing Trump, this doesn’t mean he isn’t still totally delusional and divorced from reality.  Why, he still wants to put President-Elect Biden in jail.

Shortly after the Trumpkin domestic terrorists rioted and laid siege to our Capitol a little over a week ago, #NoFlyList started trending on Twitter.

Fortunately for felonious Trumpkins, there’s a work-around:

But Trump isn’t the only republican who went down this past week.  The blind ambition of my senator, Josh Hawley, led to his backing the wrong horse and joining up with Ted Cruz to vote for disenfranchising millions of American citizens in an effort to subvert and overturn our election.

Hawley, who has been open in his lusting after being President for years, has now effectively flushed his chances down the crapper.

But I’m actually thankful for his indiscretion.  Having lived in Missouri over half my life now, it’s been a well-known fact that Hawley’s been the Fashionable Face of Fascism.

Sure, he objected when Biden compared him and Cruz to Goebbels, but it doesn’t take much of an imagination to get from here to there …

And speaking of “going down” – there’s proof now that Trump has had much greater difficulty dealing with his Twitter withdrawal than first imagined.

Out of an abundance of kindness (and fortunately for you) I’m also supplying the antidote to cleanse that image:

My hope right now is that the Inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris comes off without a hitch – with no injuries or deaths, both in Washington, DC and across our great nation.

 

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