Before I begin, I want you to know that I made a supreme sacrifice. I had purchased a dozen PIGnocchio brand, big mouth, extra-wide, extra-chunky barf bags for the occasion, and they were insufficient to the task. I knew these Republicans were vile, but who would have thought that they could motivate me to produce barf in excess of my own body weight. Only the debate itself was a bigger mess. Humor aside, I did watch the spectacle, took notes, and have a report for you.
There were actually two debates. To be truthful, I overslept and missed a few minutes of the bottom group, but it became immediately apparent to me that the Republican Reichsministry of Propaganda, Faux Noise, was intentionally trying to crucify this group, based on camera angles, audio and video quality, and insults from the moderators. I’m not the only one who thought so. Rachel Maddow did too.
In the main debate there were no winners. Here are my notes:
Donald “Hairball” Trump:
He refused to promise to support the Republican nominee and not to run as a third party candidature. On immigration, he proposed a wall and said border patrol officers were his proof that the Mexican government is sending criminals here. He would repeal and replace the ACA with insurance company deregulation. He said he is pro life and would defund Planned Parenthood. He admitted to misogynist tweets. He called Obama incompetent. He said the Iran deal is a disgrace.
Jeb “Strike Three” Bush:
On undocumented immigrants, he supported a path to legal status, but not citizenship. He stated that ISIS [his brother’s creation], would not exist if Obama had not abandoned Iraq [on his brother’s timetable]. He favored state control of education and vouchers. He promised 4% growth by getting rid of Obamacare and cutting taxes. He supported defunding Planned Parenthood. He denied calling Hairball a buffoon.
Scott “Fartfuhrer” Walker:
He demanded banning abortion with no exception to save the life of the mother. He supported no amnesty of any kind for undocumented immigrants. Hew promised to attack ISIS. He said failed to meet his economic promised because had aimed high. He would introduce tougher sanctions against Iran and have our international partners do the same. On racial disparity, he would provide better training to law enforcement on the use of force.
Marco “Deport Them All” Rubio:
He supported a wall to keep undocumented immigrants out and no amnesty of any kind. He supports state control of education. He would help small businesses by lowering taxes, repealing Obamacare, and repealing Dodd Frank. He supports “personhood”.
Mike “Upchuck Huck” Huckabee:
He supported “personhood”. He supported state control of education. He would save social security and the economy with the FAIR Tax. He would cancel the Iran agreement. He would not allow transgender people in the military.
Ben “Uncle Token” Carson:
He said we should keep harsh interrogation methods [torture] secret. He suggested a tithe tax. He said Hillary counts on useful idiots.
Rand “Idiot, Son of Idiot, Named after Idiot” Paul:
He attacked Hairball. He said NSA should spy on terrorists only. He supports allowing discrimination against gay people. He said he would cut foreign aid.
Ted “Uranus Inspector” Cruz:
He said he would repeal all of Obama’s executive orders, defund sanctuary cities and allow no amnesty if any kind for undocumented immigrants. He would destroy ISIS by calling it “Radical Islamic Terrorism”. He would stand-up against Russia and China for committing cyber war.
Chris “PIGnocchio” Christie:
He supports no amnesty of any kind for undocumented immigrants. He supports NSA spying al all Americans. He would raise the retirement age. He would restore the military to cold war levels.
John “KKK” Kasich:
He supports the wall to keep undocumented immigrants out. He would defeat Hillary by promising to balance the budget. He opposed same sex marriage, but he accepts the courts ruling and would love his own gay child.
All promised obeisance to Republican Supply-Side Jesus (the opposite of the real Jesus).
On the 50th anniversary of the Voting Rights Act, it was not even mentioned.
In my opinion, there was no winner. However the debate may have a serious impact on the rest of the campaign season. Faux Noise employs a bunch of blondes, who usually display lots of leg and cleavage to keep Bubba Bagger titillated just enough to keep his TV tuned to Faux Noise. Without the blondes Bubba would surely turn to NASCAR, Better Outhouses and Gardens, or Ga Ga for Guns. Well, one of the Faux Noise blondes, Megyn Kelly, attacked Hairball over his misogynist tweets, and he responded by threatening her. OOPS! I have seen this woman in action enough times to know that she has a vicious streak a mile wide, so I would be very surprised if Hairball does not occupy the top of her feces list for a long time. Now if the rest of Faux Noise goes along with her and tries to sabotage Hairball, he could be in trouble, as a Republican.
In conclusion, the very best thing about the Criminal Clowns Debate is this. It’s over.