SoINeedAName

A Star Is Born: (“I Didn’t Even Know There Was Also A 3:30 In the Morning Until Today”)

 Posted by at 2:08 pm  Politics
Dec 242022
 

Two days ago, a Waterloo, IA evening TV sports announcer was reassigned to the early morning local news – but told to cover the weather pertaining to the blizzard blasting through Iowa.  Mark Woodley did NOT appear to be a happy camper during his three-and-a-half-hour stint.  And he wasn’t shy about letting his audience know it … in the most snarky and entertaining way that has now gone viral.

Woodley had originally posted the montage of clips to his personal Facebook page, but his friends and family intervened and convinced him to put it on Twitter.

The next thing he knew, the movie director Judd Apatow and the actor Josh Gad (voice of Olaf) were retweeting him.  And his humorous antics have since been covered by NBC’s “Today Show” as well as The New York Times and even the Wall Street Journal.

Besides putting on his heavy winter togs, Mark Woodley also put on a grimace to head out into the subzero temps to report on the impending blizzard.

Woodley noted that he usually does the evening news stint which run “for only 30 minutes and are generally inside.”  So, he started the first of his 14 freezing outdoor reports explaining why he was covering the weather instead of sports.

“I usually do sports; everything here is canceled for the next couple days, so what better time to ask the sports guy to come in about five hours earlier than he would normally wake up, go stand out in the wind and the snow and the cold and tell other people not to do the same.”

He got grouchier and grouchier as the three-plus-hour-long morning news show slogged on.  And the warm and cozy staff inside was loving it!

Woodley handled their ribbing expertly:

“This is a really long show.  Tune in for the next couple hours to watch me progressively get crankier and crankier.”

We’re all familiar with the local TV news folks’ banter, so it was no surprise when Woodley seemed to quibble over a colleague’s assignment tracking the impending storm inside the station’s warm van.

“Clint got the better end of that deal — that thing’s heated.”

 “The outdoors currently is not heated.”

As is not uncommon, the temperature outside continued to fall throughout the morning show, even as the sun was slowly coming up.

“I’ve got good news and bad news: The good news is I can still feel my face right now. The bad news is I kind of wish I couldn’t.”

Woodley was begging to return to his regular job and felt someone had it out for him:

“I’m pretty sure, Ryan, that you guys added an extra hour to this show just because somebody likes torturing me.”

Woodley’s reply when asked by the warm-as-toast anchorman sitting inside the nice warm studio how he was doing is a classic:

“Again, the same way I felt about eight minutes ago when you asked me that same question.”

“It’s absolutely fantastic, Ryan.”

Finally, in the last shot of the morning, Woodley got to sign off:

“Live in Waterloo – for the last time this morning … THANKFULLY!”

His snarky take on reporting the weather has been greatly appreciated by an audience who have lavished praise on his honest reporting.  Here are a few of the accolades Woodley received on Twitter:

Like most local TV reporters, Woodley has always dreamed about making “big” someday.  He’s facing his new curmudgeon notoriety admirably well:

“Being known for being the crotchety old sports and weather guy was not on the list.  But it is what it is.”

 

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“Reflecting” on the Fun of the FIFA World Cup Matches

 Posted by at 11:58 am  Politics
Dec 172022
 

There is no doubt that the FIFA World Cup fever engulfs its fans and inspires them to dress up in support of their nation’s team.  The efforts they put in to making their costumes to support their countries at football’s biggest carnival is simply amazing!

But my gob was smacked when I was treated to this outfit:

When I first saw this, I thought it was fake – some CGI (Computer-Generated Image) or VFX (Visual Effects) character with augmented reality that was promoting the World Cup by honoring Brazil’s incomparable Pelé (who is widely regarded as the greatest player of all time having led team Brazil to World Cup Championships in 1958, 1962 and 1970).

I had the definite impression that I wasn’t really seeing an actual human being, but rather an animation enhanced by special effects.  It truly seemed more like a digital rendition of a football player – like someone had just walked out of a video game.

But it’s a real person in the most imaginative costume I’ve ever seen!

 

@maskbusters

#qatar2022 #fifa #fifaworldcup #qatarliving #thisisqatar #football #soccer #pele #worldcup #fortnite #trophy #ball #eventideas #evententertainment #specialevents #eventperformer #corporateentertainment #eventpros #eventservices #corporateevents #eventshow #liveentertainment #luxuryevents #show #eventplanner #mirror #costume #mascot #brazil #brasil

♬ original sound – MaskBusters

In fact there are three people decked out in these fabulous, mirrored costumes that have virally taken the World Cup fans – and Netizens of the world – by storm.  Beside Pelé there’s one sporting a red jersey that portrays Cristiano Ronaldo, star of the Portugal national team.  And finally, a third character all decked out in the quirky mirror outfit of a referee.

@onefootball

Replying to @Luis Aguilar 👽 They are 🤩 @maskbusters #worldcup

♬ All I Want Is You – Disco Lines

 

@espnfc

This #Brazil fan came ready at the #WorldCup 🇧🇷👏 #qatar #soccer #neymar (via cahemota/Twitter)

♬ sonido original – Minuto 90

Turns out that these costumes were not crafted by a Brazilian or Portuguese fan – but are the creations of a company called MaskBusters.  It’s located in Slovakia, and like you, I had lots of questions about their creations.

Sadly, I couldn’t find out as much as I wanted about the costumes or MaskBusters itself – but here’s what I did learn.  They’re made of triangular pieces of colored reflective material forming a mosaic-like geometric outfit in a broken-glass pattern that’s sewn onto a layer of fabric.  (You can make out the zipper on the back in a few of the frames.)  The consensus of Netizens’ comments is that it’s most likely a thin plastic or possibly mylar – so it’s probably fairly lightweight.

I was unable to find out how hot they are, but probably not as hot as a lot of college and professional team mascot costumes are.

You can hire MaskBusters to design a costume for your event, but they don’t sell them.  Apparently they have a crew of models who perform while using the mirroring costumes the client requested.  I have no idea what the cost might be – either with a Google search or at the MaskBusters website.

Here’s a sampling from their portfolio of what they’ve created in the past:

Finally, sadly for the man dressed as Pelé, after reflecting on his team’s loss I’m sure he was “shattered” into a Brazilian pieces.

(I forgot – how many zeroes are there in a Brazilian?)

 

 

 

 

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Critics Agree: MTG Greene’s Latest Question About COVID Stinks!

 Posted by at 8:35 am  Politics
Dec 082022
 

MTG Greene seems to be in a never-ending battle with Lauren Boebert and Louie Gohmert for the Congressional Olympic Gold Medal of Abject Stupidity.

But her latest pungent foray into the Stupidity Olympics battle really stinks.  No, really … it STINKS!

COVID has been plaguing the world for a couple of years now and this is NOT the first time this question has been raised and answered.  You would think that before posting a question like this that anyone would do a minimum bit of research – especially someone who serves the people as a Representative in Congress.

But noooo – not MTG!

I’ll try doing my best Bill Nye the Science Guy imitation to help her out.

Let’s start with a brief overview of the chemistry of farts (a topic you’ve probably wondered about a time or two, but never felt it worth your while to delve into.)

There are three different types of gaseous sulfur compounds that cause the stinky odor of our farts:

  • Hydrogen sulfide, which is very common, will produce a rotten egg smell.
  • Methanethiol will produce a smell similar to rotting vegetables or garlic.
  • Dimethyl sulfide is often described as smelling like cabbage but might add a sweetness to the overall smell of gas.

To understand why masks truly DO WORK to protect against COVID (but not preventing MTG from smelling her own farts) it turns out size actually DOES matter.  (Given MTG’s lurid history of multiple extramarital affairs that led to her recent divorce, you’d think she’d have at least a passing familiarity with this concept.)

Now let’s get down to the nitty-gritty:

The main sulphur-containing flatus component was hydrogen sulphide (1.06 (0.2) μmol/l), followed by methanethiol (0.21 (0.04) μmol/l) and dimethyl sulphide (0.08 (0.01) μmol/l) (means (SEM)).

https://gut.bmj.com/content/43/1/100

I agree – that’s way too much chemistry.  Here’s something a little bit easier to understand:

NOTE: Remembering that “orders of magnitude” is a logarithmic term based on power of 10 – so from the Tweet:

3.8 x 10⁻¹⁰ m = 0.00000000038 m.

1.25 x 10⁻⁷ m = 0.000000125 m.

Realizing that MTG is severely “intellectually challenged” – let’s go for something more graphic to help her grasp why masks work against COVID but not farts:

And even more akin to her Saturday morning cartoon-watching (I’m sure MTG enjoys animated graphics) something even simpler

But that doesn’t mean MTG wouldn’t be ruthlessly mocked for this level of stupidity, so let’s enjoy a few.

(To save space, rather than posting each individual Tweet in full, I’ll just post the response to MTG’S question with a link to its author.)

And don’t forget her stinky question:

“If a pair of underwear, really thick ones, high quality cotton, can’t protect you from a fart, then how will a mask protect you from covid??”

No surprise that beloved George Takei would come up with the perfect analogy to help her understand the concept using tools that she’s more familiar with:

If you wear a white hood, really thick, with eye slits, it still can’t protect you from being identified as a white supremacist.

Kristina Wong:

She’s comparing COVID to a fart smell. Because that’s what idiots do.

Lock Them Trumps Up:

Mainly because I don’t wear my underwear on my head. Next question.

Ralph Toivonen:

The same way socks aren’t designed to be used as condoms.

Bruno in the Bay:

Behold. A sitting Congresswoman thinks farts are highly contagious.

Chris D. Jackson:

How the hell did we go from leaders like John Lewis to MTG in just one generation.

How very sad.

TheLastAnemone:

Why is it any of your business if people choose to mask up to protect themselves and their loved ones from the flu or covid19 or smelling your stinky farts?

MYOB, stop being a bully and leave folks to decide for themselves what’s best for them.

Pithier variation from RsLie:

It’s called free choice, Marj!

FREE CHOICE!

Cartoonist Steve Bensen thought that maybe if MTG were provided a bespoke mask, she might actually be enticed to wear it.  He’s got a point:

Others had a more … hmmm … aromatic approach to mask customization:

When it comes to MTG regularly displaying her ignorance via Twitter, I think we’d all agree with Sunday Claus on this:

Of course, the actual reason MTG is not having any success with blocking out the smell of farts is easily explained with this one graphic:

 

So if MTG does not want to be known as the absolute DUMBEST person in Congress, she had better hope that Boebert and Gohmert don’t die!

 

 

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MTG “Miss Malaprop” Greene QUACKS Up America Yet Again

 Posted by at 4:29 pm  Politics
Nov 212022
 

(Sidebar: For a variety of reasons, it’s been a while since I posted a dedicated article.  But I’m going to try to get back in the swing of things.)

We can always count on MTG “Miss Malaprop” Greene to supply us with some comic relief.  She has a long list of Tweets and comments showcasing her ignorance masquerading as malaprops, that have Americans “quacking” up.  Let’s backup a bit to enjoy some of her previous zany offerings.

Who can forget when she accused Speaker Pelosi of “wonton” killings by deploying her own secret “gazpacho police force” in a chilling and ruthless “soup d’é·tat”.

Then there’s the time MTG actually said:

“… Bill Gates wants you to eat this fake meat that grows in a peach tree dish.  So you’ll probably get a little zap inside your body that’ll say ‘No, don’t eat a real cheeseburger, you need to eat the fake burger.’”

Bill had a pithy reply to MTG:

One of her lesser-known comments was when she declared an imminent “title wave of truth”

There are few things that have gotten MTG as incensed as how she thinks Pres. Biden’s Dept. of Justice has “mistreated” the seditious traitors who stormed our Capitol on 1/6/21.  She shared her thoughts (such as they are) in a speech on the House floor when she had the Chamber called to “odor” so she could add her two “scents” worth:

“The over 800 people who have been arrested and charged for the events on January 6” because “their due process rights are being so fragrantly and horrifically violated….”

 

https://www.c-span.org/video/?c5019207/user-clip-us-rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-special-order-speeches-06092022

If it weren’t such a fragrant flagrant violation of our nation’s laws, it’d be funny when MTG sent a text to Mark Meadows just three days before Biden’s inauguration telling him that Trump declare should “Marshall” law:

“In our private chat with only Members, several are saying the only way to save our Republic is for Trump to call for Marshall law,” Greene texted [Mark] Meadows….”

https://abovethelaw.com/2022/04/alls-fair-in-love-and-attempts-to-overthrow-the-rule-of-law/

In her most recent malaprop, MTG makes a “fowl” claim about tabulating the votes in our last election:

This begs the questions:

[1] Why do you think fellow Americans are your “enemy”?

And …

[2] Why the HELL are ducks wearing boots in the first place?

If you wanted to cut her some slack and blame it on AutoCorrect changing “quaking” to “quacking” – someone checked … it doesn’t:

Of course, the Twitterverse felt the need to respond about our feathered friends “quacking in their boots” …

 

 

 

I think this Tweet has a suggestion for MTG that we could all get behind:

And this has a nice summary of a few of her malaprops:

 

 

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Herschel Walker: MORE Than JUST a Bogus Badge

 Posted by at 3:18 pm  Politics
Oct 222022
 

Less than a week ago during the only debate for the Senate seat in Georgia, Herschel Walker violated the rules and improperly pulled out a prop, flashing a bogus badge:

Since then, Walker has repeatedly tried to claim that the badge is “legit”.  That only begs the question: Exactly which police force would even consider giving Walker a legitimate badge?

Fortunately, MTG Greene has the answer:

[Even if you don’t have a hearing deficit and are not schooled in speech reading (the preferred term in the deaf community) – I think it’s pretty easy to make out what she’s saying]

But if you thought the Internet was going to let this pass without comment, you’d be wrong.  Someone even created a white-out template of Walker so folks could get have some fun getting creative:

Let’s enjoy some of their results:

 

Of course, it’s really not surprising that Walker would lie about the badge – he’s long had difficulty telling the truth …

Then again, whenever Walker speaks, it’s always been difficult to understand anything he says:

Since Walker honestly appears to be this stupid, I say we go with “The Daily Show” host Trevor Noah’s suggestion: Just give him an “Honorary Senator” certificate instead of actually electing him to the Senate.

“He won’t know the difference!”

Bottom Line: That the race is even close is just mind-boggling!

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Rebuttal to Dinesh D’Souza’s “2000 Mules” Movie

 Posted by at 8:32 am  Politics
Oct 162022
 

By Doug Chayka

I’ve made my feeling about Dinesh D’Souza known a few times, so I’d like to offer a rebuttal of sorts to his “2000 Mules” purported documentary supposedly proving massive voter fraud in the 2000 election:

[1]

To begin, it should be noted that D’Souza is not just a convicted felon, but someone who pled guilty and was incarcerated for ACTUALLY violating election laws:

Preet Bharara, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, announced today the guilty plea of DINESH D’SOUZA to violating the federal election campaign law by making illegal contributions to a United States Senate campaign in the names of others. D’SOUZA, whose trial was scheduled to start today, pled guilty this morning in Manhattan federal court to violating the federal campaign election law by making illegal contributions….

https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr/dinesh-d-souza-sentenced-manhattan-federal-court-five-years-probation-campaign-finance

So D’Souza, an actual voter fraud convict, has made his “documentary” out of whole cloth, with baseless claims about Democrats violating election laws.

That’s pretty much the definition of chutzpa.

 

[2]

If Dinesh D’Souza & his cronies had any actual evidence of voter fraud instead of just their wild rumors, unproven allegations and harebrained conspiracy theories, they would have presented it in court.  I mean Trump’s legal team has had more than SIXTY opportunities to do so.

 

[3]

So, Dinesh – just for the fun of it, let’s say everything you postulate is factual.  What evidence do you have that all of these “fake” ballots were votes for Biden?

They more likely would have been for Trump.  After all, multiple people have been prosecuted for voter fraud in 2020 and so far, EVERY SINGLE INDICTMENT & CONVICTION has involved republicans or Right-Wing radicals.

https://www.thebulwark.com/the-pattern-of-gop-voter-fraud/

 

[4]

If voter fraud, as D’Souza Claims, had to be used to get Biden elected, how come the Democrats don’t have huge majorities in the House, Senate and state legislatures?  I mean, if voter fraud was so easy-peasy to do at the Presidential level, why not do it up and down the entire ballot?

 

[5]

Finally, Joe Biden easily defeated Donald Trump in the safest and “most secure in American history.”

https://www.cisa.gov/news/2020/11/12/joint-statement-elections-infrastructure-government-coordinating-council-election

 

This has been confirmed by:

Trump’s own DOJ

Trump’s own DHS

Trump’s own AG

Trump’s own VP

Trump’s own FBI

https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/research-reports/its-official-election-was-secure

PLUS, over 80 judges (many appointed by Trump himself) in over 60 court cases

PLUS, three times before SCOTUS which is packed with right-wing justices, including three of Trump’s own appointees

PLUS, multiple recounts and forensic audits

PLUS, the “Ninja” audit that was funded by Trump supporters in a FAILED effort to prove election fraud

PLUS, multiple lawyers involved with election fraud challenges have admitted – UNDER OATH – they had no evidence of fraud

PLUS, Rudy Giuliani admitted – UNDER OATH – he had no evidence of fraud

HELL, even Sidney Powell herself admitted in a filing to the Federal District Court for The District Of Columbia that her own voter fraud claims were so deranged that “no reasonable person would conclude that the statements were truly statements of fact.”

https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/20519858/3-22-21-sidney-powell-defending-the-republic-motion-to-dismiss-dominion.pdf

 

Bottom Line: Anyone who believes the 2020 Presidential election was stolen is certifiably insane.

 

TIDBIT SIDEBAR:

In college, D’Souza was editor of Dartmouth’s newspaper “Dartmouth Review” and his nickname on campus was “Distort D’Newsa”.

https://www.mediamatters.org/cnn/distort-dnewsa-now-cnn-analyst

https://dartreview.com/distort-dnewsa/

 

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