SoINeedAName

Jul 262019
 

Meet the Resistance’s newest Hero responsible for creating that fake presidential seal Trump stood in front of the other day at a youth conference – Mr. Charles Leazott.

Mr.. Leazott is a former Republican who twice voted for George W. Bush, but the election of Trump pushed him over the edge and back into the land of Reality.

Leazott was so disgusted with Trump’s election that to take out his frustration as a graphic designer, he found it cathartic to create a new bespoke presidential seal for Trump. And his creation exceeded all expectations in the realm of Pranksterdom!

So let’s take a closer look at how Leazott changed the seal. Here’s an overview that we’ll zoom in on to highlight each feature. But it misses at least one, and possibly two.

Beginning at the very top, “some people are saying” that the thirteen clouds at the top in the real seal have been replaced with thirteen golf balls. It’s subtle – and I’ll let you decide – but they do look like they could have the dimples of a golf ball.

Working down, the Latin motto “E Pluribus Unum” (Out of Many, One) on the real seal has been replaced with a twofer Prank.  Not only is it insulting – but it’s insulting in Spanish: “45 ES UN TITERE” – “45 IS A PUPPET”! It was to honor Hillary Clinton, who famously referred to Trump as Putin’s puppet.

Next is the double-headed eagle, which is typically associated with empires – NOT with a democratic republic.

In fact, it has a striking resemblance to the Russian Federation Coat of Arms, which is based on the coat of arms used by czarist Russia.

Just below the eagles you’ll note that the shield, which is plain on the real seal, has now been emblazoned with a row of hammers & sickles – an easily recognized symbol of Russia.

Moving down and to the left, you can see that rather than the Eagle’s talon holding an olive branch, it’s clutching a wad of cash.

And finally, the eagle’s left talon (our right, looking at it) is holding thirteen golf clubs instead of thirteen arrows.

Truly a masterpiece mocking Trump! But how it actually got to be the backdrop for his appearance at the Hitler Jugend, err … Trump Jugend – I mean the right-wing youth group, Turning Point, gathering is still a bit of a mystery.

Leazott explains that it had a very limited audience. “I’m a graphic designer, it’s just something I tossed together. This was just a goofy thing for some people I knew. I had no idea it would blow up like this.”

A spokesman for Turning Point claims it was a fluke. That they were simply looking for a high-resolution Presidential Seal to use as a backdrop … at the last-minute. (Right!)

Leazott responds: “That’s a load of crap. You have to look for this. There’s no way this was an accident is all I’m saying.”

The sleuths at Washington Post, who were the first to report this Grade-A Prank-of-the-Year, chased its origin to an online marketplace, “One Term Donnie” at Inktale:

https://inktale.com/onetermdonnie

And the calls from media folks has been so crazy that he revived his own “One Term Donnie” website:

https://one-term-donnie.myshopify.com/

But the t-shirts have been sold out, although some tank-tops appear to be available. Which has made Leazott very happy. But he’s clearly has his eye on the bigger picture:

“It’s cool people are buying this, that’s great and all. But I’ve got to be honest, I am so tickled in the most petty way possible that the president of the United States, who I despise, stood up and gave a talk in front of this graphic. Whoever put that up is my absolute hero.”

But a spokesperson for the brown-shirt youth group, Turning Point, is sticking with their story:

“It was a last-minute A/V mistake—and I can’t figure out where the breakdown was. But it was a last-minute throw-up, and that’s all it was.”

 A “last-minute throw-up”, indeed.

 

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Jul 192019
 

“To Sleep: Perchance to Dream”

Hamlet, Act III, Scene I

Yesterday we were all excited (and relieved!) to learn of TomCat’s securing his new Cat Box, with the move planned in about two weeks.

Over the years, TC has shared with us the travails at his other domiciles of inability to maintain a comfortable environment. It seemed to always be too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter. He was never able to obtain a Goldilocks climate of “Just Right”.

Understandably, this has wreaked havoc with his ability to enjoy a good night’s sleep. But from his updates, it sounds like the new Madrona Apartments will provide the relief needed!

This is reassuring news, because we all know that Cats are known for their ability to sleep in any place and any position – and I’m here to provide proof.

It’s summer – so a grill is a great spot to catch a few winks

And we all know there is NO box too small that it won’t accommodate a (determined) critter.

Obviously a cat-lover had a hand in designing this cup holder

This beat-up old gym shoe might have had an “olfactory factor” adding to this guy’s snooze

This is definitely a prickly location

And who among us hasn’t sat in a classroom with a teacher who has had the same effect on us?

“No, really … I’m exercising!”

“VROOOOMMMM!”

I think this one is dreaming of Thanksgiving drumsticks

The next two prove that there are really FOUR different states of matter: Solid, Liquid, Gas and Cat

And while we’re talking science, who knew cats could defy gravity?

Monorail Cat

“Rubber Ducky, You’re the One …”

“Tell her to cut down on the bleach”

“Geez … this is getting old.  Hasn’t she ever heard of Swifter?”

There’s celebrating, and then there’s CELEBRATING!

But there could also be a gutter (quite lieterally) with your name on it!

 

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Jul 142019
 

[EDITOR’S NOTE: You would think by now I would know about changing horses in mid-stream – but you’d be wrong! But since this just developed in the past 12 hours (and the one I had ready is “timeless”), I changed course again.]

I usually don’t watch tennis. – but when I do, I watch Woody Harrelson watching tennis!

Yep, “Cheers” own beloved-but-wacky bartender, Woodrow Huckleberry Tiberius “Woody” Boyd, became a Meme at Wimbledon’s men’s doubles championship with his “lubricated” Emmy-Award winning antics – unbeknownst to him.

Harrelson eagerly watched the grueling match between partners Juan Sebastian Cabal and Robert Farah against Nicolas Mahut and Edouard Roger-Vasselin. The TV camera crews quickly realized what a treasure trove they had in Harrelson’s expressions (not to mention his frequent trips to the refreshment area) that were as entertaining as the match itself.

It all began when Mahut was unable to avoid a rocket-fired shot that struck him right on his forehead.

But it only got worse for Mahut – a whole lot worse. Later he was injured in a very vulnerable area … and dropped in agony. And Harrelson’s stunned look captured the universal male commiserating response of “OMG!”

And since this Tweet comes with sound, I’ll let you experience the crowd’s groin-groan (at least from the males) that I’m sure accompanied it.  So be sure to turn on the sound – and let me know if they groaned.

Let’s go to the replay of Harrelson’s stunned OMG! look.

Is it any wonder that Woody decided he was in dire need of some liquid refreshment to settle him down? While Woody is an open admirer of the effects of THC, unfortunately for him the only grass available at Wimbledon was on Centre Court. So he made do with wine.

Judging from his difficulty navigating the steps, it looks like Woody stayed in the concession area for more than a few refills. When he returns to his seat the match had restarted, so he’s denied access. Making the best of it, Woody works on his wine.

Let’s enjoy that from a different angle focusing on the ever so subtle look of British disapproval.

I won’t cover every trip to the concession area, but you can see he’s gotten very friendly with the usher – and also treated himself to a fine fedora.

While those libation visits took their toll, at least it looks like that wine was lip-licking good!

And as Wimbledon is closing down for the day, we find Woody has just discovered he became the Meme du Jour and is seen enjoying the many Twitter Tweets featuring him! (Or maybe just nodding off. It’s hard to tell.)

 

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Jul 072019
 

In Twitler’s “Salute to America” his rambling speech gave the Twitterverse a wonderful Meme to work with.  And the Tweets did not disappoint.

Background Premise:

TRUMP:

“The Continental Army suffered a bitter winter of Valley Forge, found glory across the waters of the Delaware and seized victory from Cornwallis of Yorktown. Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do. And at Fort McHenry, under the rockets’ red glare, it had nothing but victory. And when dawn came, their star-spangled banner waved defiant.”

Besides the hilarious quote about the Continental Army (which was in service from 1775 to 1783) taking over the airports, the Continental Army would also have not been at Fort McHenry – which wasn’t built until 1798.

Well, the Tweets started flowing and have only recently started slowing down.  By far, my favorite:

 

In truth, our Founding Father, Gen. George Washington, was at first a bit leery about planes.  But the aggressive promotion of the commercial airlines’ reward programs pretty much forced his hand.

And it wasn’t long before all our Founding Fathers joined in with the flying.

Being the astute General that he was, Washington soon recognized the huge advantage that planes would provide.  He shortly thereafter began taking military flight lessons, and it wasn’t long before he and his sidekick were bantering back and forth: “I feel the need … the need for speed!”

Shortly thereafter, George earned his wings:

But taking over the airports wasn’t all fun and games.  Who can forget the tragic losses sustained at the Battle of the Baggage Claim Carousel?

The details of that battle tragedy was shared by one of those brave soldiers to his wife:

 

As we all know, this new mode of air travel did not always go smoothly.  It played particular havoc with many of our Founding Fathers efforts trying to get to Philadelphia to sign our Declaration of Independence – as depicted in John Trumball’s famous painting.

Through my dedicated research, I was able to locate the actual photo commemorating this solemn event which, because of major flight delays, actually took place in the American Airlines waiting area on Concourse D, Gate 31 at LaGuardia:

(There can be little doubt that Trumball’s rendition is much more pleasing to the eye.) 

Now, as back then, we all realize that the misery of missing a flight only leads to other travails:

Additionally, without a doubt, Trump’s YUGE revision of American history has forced others to revise their efforts.

People are saying that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is busy working on updating his “Paul Revere’s Ride” poem.  [OK – Longfellow is long-since dead – I’m working on “Poetic License” here]  And oddly enough, Julian Assange hacked Longfellow’s quill and scroll, and released these teasers:

Listen, my children, and you shall hear

Of the Red Eye flight of Paul Revere …

[snip]

One if by land, two if by sea and three if by air

And Longfellow was not the only one needing to head back to the drafting board.  Thomas Plane Paine has now updated his famous plea:

“Give me a parachute or give me death”

And for all of us who have felt sorry for media Fact Checkers’ endless task, forced into long, arduous hours given Trumps never-ending lies – on this July 4th Trump gave them a virtual day off with an easy-peasy gaffe:

 ADDENDUM

 I was getting ready to segue from “Friday Fun” through “Saturday/Sunday Smile” to “Monday Mirth”.

But fortunately I was FINALLY able to complete all the calculations and paperwork WRT my County Real Estate Appeal.

Using their own figures, I was able to justify lowering my Assessment increase from 15% to 5%.  And I emailed it to them today – as the deadline is tomorrow.

Time will tell whether the Board agrees with me.  But at least I made the effort, and it really was a very interesting undertaking.

(And who among us wouldn’t mind saving 10% on a tax bill?)

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Jul 052019
 

There’s a wise old adage:

“Don’t change horses in midstream”

Interestingly enough this proverb is credited to Abraham Lincoln who, when aides wanted him to fire Gen. Grant for being a heavy whiskey drinker, Lincoln used one of his famous proverbs to guide his reply:

“An old Dutch farmer, who remarked to a companion once that it was not best to swap horses when crossing streams.”

So Lincoln, recognizing Gen. Grant’s extraordinary military wisdom and success, replied to the aides:

“But can you tell me where he gets his whiskey?”

“We cannot, Mr. President. But why do you desire to know?”

“Because, if I can only find out, I will send a barrel of this wonderful whiskey to every general in the army.”

Well, I’ve, yet again, decided to ignore that sage advice … and switched to a new meme for “Friday Fun” – which will now become a “Sunday Smile”.

Adding to the delay is that we recently received our annual Property Assessment from the county, and mine went up 15 percent!  So I’m going to appeal.

The County Assessor Office admits there  was a glitch in their calculation.  Currently there are about 25,000 other homeowners appealing.  I’ve got to get the paperwork done by Monday – and it obviously takes priority.

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Jun 302019
 

I had a post put together this morning, then it dawned on me that Friday was Sarah Huckabee Sanders last day as Twitler’s “Press Secretary”.  And since I’m sure she was thinking something like Nixon: “You won’t have Sanders to kick around anymore” – I didn’t want to miss the opportunity for a serious review of her “contributions” from the Twitler White House.

So, it was back to the drawing board …

First of all, I think we can agree that Press Secretary Sanders was not nearly as easy to mock as Twitler’s first Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, was …

 

But, she has had her moments.  So let’s begin our sojourn with Sarah’s “Service” such as it was

Most assuredly she was well taught by Sean Spicer how to always shift the blame away from Twitler:

 

As a physician it appears she has a ptosis of her right eye.  This is most certainly not her fault nor a moral shortcoming.  But it has raised the question …

 

From the git-go, she welcomed going toe-to-toe with the infamous Liar of Iraq – Baghdad Bob

 

One of the truly frustrating things is that she was PAID to lie to Americans EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE TALKED!

But in her defense, we must agree her bright and cheery countenance and demeanor – just like Mary Tyler Moore – was always a refreshing welcome …

 

When she was ensconced by her Right-Wing Zealots, she was fine.  But if she ventured out into the real-world, like dining out, she realized she was truly a pariah …

Not to get too picayunish, but I think you’d agree that at times she did have some wardrobe selection faux pas

 

 

And even though she had support from the most-evil of Twitler Aides – like Stephen Miller

 

She finally realized that supporting Twitler’s endless lies was NOT the wisest career choice …

 

Realizing what an abject failure she was, she paid Miss Piggy (who knows how many MILLIONS) to fill in for her …

But despite all her efforts to distance herself from Twitler, Washington Post has still crowned her the well-deserved title of “Queen of Gaslighting”

 

 

 

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Jun 212019
 

Today marks the Summer Solstice – and the beginning of summertime!

For a lot of folks, tradition is that the “official” start of summer occurs at Stonehenge – the 4,500 year-old Neolithic monument in England.  At 15:54 UTC (that’s 10:54 a.m. CDT) summer officially begins.  But for the thousands who gathered there in the darkness before sunrise today, the actual start is in the early morning hours when the sun peeks above Stonehenge’s Heel Stone (which leads up to the monument’s Stone Circle) and the first rays shine directly into the center of the circle … that’s the start of summer.

Now I’m not going to get all wonky with science about the Solstice – but I will share one illustration that gives a simple overview.  The earth’s 23.5-degree tilt on its axis puts those of us in the northern hemisphere as close to the sun as we’ll be … hence, SUMMER!

But there are two other related areas I want to cover.  The first is New York’s answer to Stonehenge: Manhattanhenge.

But instead of huge stones weighing up to 25-30 tons, they use skyscrapers to plot the exact alignment of the sun precisely dissecting the city’s grid of east-west cross streets.

 

But since Manhattan’s east-west streets are aligned at about a 29° angle clockwise from true east-west, they create Manhattanhenge a couple of weeks before and a couple of weeks after the Summer Solstice.  The exact date varies each year, depending on the date of the summer solstice, but they usually fall around May 28th and July 12th.

 

The colloquial usage of “henge” to refer to any place where the rising or setting sun lines up with the surrounding structures has spread.  Manhattanhenge is probably the best known, but other communities built on grid designs have their own “henges.”  There’s Chicagohenge (it occurs on the equinoxes), Torontohenge, Montrealhenge, and even MIThenge. 

In fact MIT was the first to notice this phenomenon down what has become called “The Infinite Corridor”.  It’s a corridor that links buildings numbered 7, 3, 10, 4, and 8 (from west to east), and it measures 825 feet (251 meters, 0.16 miles or 147 smoots) long.

And here’s my Chicagohenge:

But what I think you’ll really enjoy about today are all the FREEBIES and DISCOUNTS!

 

What better way to celebrate the beginning of summer than with some ice cream?  And Dairy Queen is offering a treat on the DQ mobile app and with any purchase Friday you’ll get a free small regular or dipped cone.  Download the app at www.dairyqueen.com/app.

But today is not only Summer Solstice day – but also National Smoothie Day (as well as National Selfie DayTake Your Dog to Work Day, National Seashell Day and National Take Back the Lunch Break Day, according to NationalDayCalendar.com.)  So let’s hope there’s a smoothie vendor close to you offering a sweet treat:

Edible Arrangements: Get $1.99 smoothies or fruit cups (if they don’t sell smoothies) through Sunday.  The deal is available at stores and for in-store orders placed online with promo code SMOOTHIE.

Fruitlove: Get the new spoonable smoothie for free after a rebate from the Ibotta cashback app at select stores for National Smoothie Day.

Jamba: The chain, which recently changed its name from Jamba Juice, is giving away free small smoothies from 2 to 5 p.m. Friday.

La Colombe Coffee Roasters: Get a free Mocha Draft Latte with any purchase Friday at all café locations.

Nekter Juice Bar: Superfood smoothies are $5 Friday for rewards members at participating locations. Download the app at www.nekterjuicebar.com.

Planet Smoothie: From 2 to 4 p.m. Friday, get a free 16-ounce Mediterranean Monster smoothie. No purchase is necessary and limit one free smoothie while supplies last.

Potbelly Sandwich Shop: Through Friday, the chain is celebrating “Take Back Your Lunch Day” with a buy-one-get-one free offer on sandwiches, salads or Pick-Your-Pair.

Red Mango: Get 50% off any smoothie Friday.

Robeks Fresh Juices & Smoothies: Rewards members get triple rewards on all in-store and online purchases Friday. Sign up for the loyalty program at www.robeks.com.

Smoothie Factory: Smoothies are half price Friday.

Smoothie King: Use the chain’s Healthy Rewards app with a purchase Friday and get a free 20-ounce smoothie offer loaded on the app to redeem June 22-27. The free smoothie is limited to a $6 value. Get the app at www.smoothieking.com/healthy-rewards.

Tropical Smoothie CafeAs part of its National Flip Flop Day promotion, the chain is collecting donations through June 30. Donate $5 or more and get a discount for 5% off your purchases for the rest of the year. Learn more at www.nationalflipflopday.com.

I had NO idea there were so many smoothie outlets.  I guess they’ve earned their Smoothies Day.  But other food emporiums also have some good offers celebrating summer today:

Boston Market: Bring in any sandwich – whether it’s homemade or from a competitor – between 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Friday and get a free Boston Market sandwich.

Carl’s Jr.The chain’s 100 Days of Summer promotion features a variety of limited-time offers and contests through August 20th.

Dunkin’:  At restaurants Friday through Sunday, DD Perks rewards members get one medium or large-sized iced and frozen beverages.

Wayback Burgers: Friday is the chain’s Free Shake Day. Get a free 12-ounce Black & White Milkshake, while supplies last at participating locations.

Wendy’s: Starting Friday and through July 14, get a free half-size Berry Burst Salad with any purchase using the Wendy’s mobile app.  

So get out there and start your summer right by joining in on our great American pastime: EATING! 

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