SoINeedAName

Friday Fun: KC Chiefs Coach Andy Reid Comes Through …

 Posted by at 7:39 pm  Politics
Sep 112020
 

Early this evening I came across some low-hanging fruit for a post, so I decided to transform into a “Friday Fun” post.

For those of you who didn’t watch last night’s opening NFL game pitting my Super Bowl KC Chiefs Champs against the Houston Texans, you most likely missed that Chief’s Head Coach Andy Reid fogged up Face Shield was the most talked about aspect of the game.

It was like a Carl Sandburg tribute:

The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.

Naturally, the Twitterverse decided to create a Meme of that …

So, here was the problem:

Here’s a Reid’s-Eye-View of the game:

And there was plenty of praise for Reid’s coaching acumen:

Still, it did significantly interfere with communication between Coach Reid and MVP QB Patrick Mahomes:

Making the best of a bad situation, Coach Reid learned he does NOT need a whiteboard to sketch out new plays:

Here’s a demo of how Chiefs communicated the good news after scoring a touchdown:

 

And now there’s a Go-Fund-Me page to get Coach Reid a new, updated Face Shield:

 

My question was …

Why was Coach Reid wearing a Tupperware bowl all evening?

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NO Friday Fun – Medical Leave

 Posted by at 6:35 pm  Politics
Sep 102020
 

Yesterday I tripped over the cat and took a tumble ending w/ a face plant.

My right knee was quite painful getting up, but I cleaned up my facial abrasions first.  Then my sweatpants rubbing against my right knee became so painful I took a look.  My R knee was HUGE.  So I immediately began RICE treatment (Rest, Ice, Compression & Elevations).

I had my scheduled PT appointment this morning, so I had Rashad take a look.  He’s concerned that there might be a Posterior Cruciate Ligament (PCL) injury, and asked me to contact my PCP.

I took pictures of my knee and abrasions, and sent them along w/ a detailed history of the injury to my PCP via the Portal.  (I LOVE having portals!)

Haven’t heard back from her, but needing to keep my leg elevated has really cramped any computer work.  So I’ll be skipping this week.

If I come across a brief/short humorous piece, I’ll share it.  But I’m going to be scarce for a few days.

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Friday Fun: NO SOUP FOR YOU!

 Posted by at 5:38 pm  Politics
Sep 042020
 

As Trump continues to unravel at breakneck speed, he’s starting to get comfortable with his true inner-self and transitioning into the real Nazi we all know he is …

The Soup Nazi, that is.

It’s going to be a Sisyphean task to try and rank all of Trump’s Idiotic Statements, but the one just a couple of days ago has got to at least rank in the Top 100:

“And you have people coming over with bags of soup — big bags of soup.  And they lay it on the ground, and the anarchists take it and they start throwing it at our cops, at our police.  And if it hits you, that’s worse than a brick because that’s got force.  It’s the perfect size.  It’s, like, made perfect.  And when they get caught, they say, ‘No, this is just soup for my family.  And the media says, ‘This is just soup.’”

If you don’t believe me that anyone could say something that stupid, here’s the official White House transcript:

(SIDEBAR:  You know what happens after Trump eats a huge bowl of alphabet soup?

(He has a vowel movement.)

Once again, the Twitterverse stepped up and did what it does best – make a total mockery of Trump’s stupidity.

Truth be told, it shocked me to learn that Sec. of Commerce Wilbur Ross is an Anarchist …

But who knew those cute Campbell’s kids were Antifa?

But you don’t have to feel left out of the protests – you, too, can stock an arsenal of soups, just like the rest of the Antifa movement.

Why, here’s an example of budding Anarchist “souper” soldier:

But when you’re coming home from the grocery store with your larder – please drive carefully!

And be aware: Now that Trump has spilled the beans (no pun intended), QAnon, Boogaloo Bois and other right-wingers have been alerted – and are spreading the word about our secret weapons:

A word to those on a budget when stocking up: The powers that be at Antifa are cutting back on our supply allowances:

(I have to admit that I, myself, stopped carrying mace a couple years back.  I now pack a can of Progresso Cream of Mushroom.  It delivers a doozy of a wallop!)

You know what the NRA always says: “The only way to stop a bad guy with a can of soup is a good guy with a can of soup.”

(Being a strong gun control proponent, I have to admit I stewed a long time about posting that one.)

If you’re worried about Trump setting Federal forces after us, be comforted knowing the Trumpkins haven’t seen anything yet!

Believe me – it’s a fantastic weapon!  It will show them NO mercy … not even a ladle bit!

That reminds me back when restaurants were open (and I had hearing), a waitress taking my order asked me “Soup or salad?”  I told her, “No, the regular salad will be just fine.”

I want to leave you with a couple of questions to mull over:

If you boil a couple of funny bones, does it then become a laughingstock?

(Oh, come on … You gotta agree that was humerus.)

Do you know what the difference between roast beef and pea soup is?

Anyone can roast beef.

Are you pointing to the Exit for me?  Remember, I’ll be here all week.  Try the fish, and be sure to tip your waitstaff.

 

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Friday Fun: “THE BEST … IS YET … TO COME!!!”

 Posted by at 2:59 pm  Politics
Aug 282020
 

I was certain the RNC Convention would prove to be a treasure trove for my “Friday Fun” post – but I wasn’t expecting THIS bumper crop!  With as much grist for mill as they sowed, it took me a lot longer to winnow the wheat from the chaff.  (Can you tell I miss my days on the family farm?)

I’d be derelict if I didn’t give top billing to Junior’s new main squeeze, Kimberly Guilfoyle.

It’s not often, but on a rare occasion I’m actually a bit relieved to have my hearing deficit – and apparently her speech SCREAMED on opening night is one of those.  The neighbor told me that he heard her entire screech – and his TV wasn’t even on!

Guilfoyle was certainly a champion Meme Generator – so let’s sample a few of the ones I enjoyed most.  To begin, here’s a compilation of folks reprising her shouted signature closing.

Having failed to keep up with the “cool kids” for decades now, I appreciated learning quite a bit about more recent culture trends than Howdy Doody, American Bandstand, or even Candid Camera.  So, for all you Power Ranger aficionados, she reminded lots of folks of Rita Repulsa.

Being more old-school, I’d go with Evita …

Or even Cruella de Vil …

But no matter which persona you see her as, I think we can all agree that this is amazingly accurate description of her performance:

Given that Junior’s contribution featured his rapid-fire delivery, bloodshot, watery, dilated eyes and sweaty skin, many people are saying he and Kimberly shared their Stash before appearing.  Having seen my share of cocaine complications among teens, I could not argue against that observation.

Based on Kim and Junior’s performances, it’s fair to conclude that Rethuglicans have lost their “War on Drugs”:

 

Seems to me that if SIX of the twelve “Keynote Speakers” share the same last name as Dear Leader, it’s fair to conclude the GOP is currently drifting into North Korea territory.

But there was good and understandable reason for that …

If you happen to be wondering why you never received your gold-embossed Summons … errr … Invitation to any of the events – that, too, can be easily explained:

Of course, there were other speakers, like the McCloskeys from St. Louis who had a unique qualification beside donating huge amounts of money …

And Donnie was heartbroken to learn that Jerry Falwell, Jr. turned down his invitation to speak at the convention.  But as we’ve recently learned from his pool boy, Giancarlo Granda …

Despite their promises to the contrary, the RNC Convention exposé was a four-day forum of forlorn, dark, oppressive and depressing presentations.  Rod Serling provides the reason for that:

And Charlie Brown easily provides the closing take-home lesson from their four-day debacle:

No doubt we all agree it’d be great if we could just skip ahead to the time when we have a vaccine … and Trump is in prison!

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Trump Gaffes – Part 2: War on Error

 Posted by at 10:56 am  Politics
Aug 222020
 

Trump Gaffes Part 2 will focus on his verbal, pronunciation and spelling slipups, and I’ll start with the low-hanging fruit.

While it’s impossible to figure out the very first Trump gaffe, one of the earliest ones was just a couple of months into his administration – back in May of 2017.  As always, Trump just deletes anything he deems embarrassing – so there’s only a screenshot of his famous whine about negative press Covfefe:

But just because Trump deletes it doesn’t mean the Twittersphere is going to let it pass.

Once the Mueller Investigation began, I don’t think Trump let a day pass without whining about something.  One of his longer whines was when he claimed that Democrats were unable to find a Smocking Gun.

(No idea why, but he let this one remain.)

Fortunately the Twitterverse was able to locate the Smocking Gun:

(One thing we can all agree on is that Trump has never COLLUDED with a Spell Checker.)

After the Clemson football team was crowned national champions, Trump invited them to the White House.  But his self-induced government shutdown (because the funding bill didn’t include money for his Wall) meant the White House kitchen staff was gone – so he had to improvise.

But who knew that rather than standard fast food fare, he would elect to get Hamberders instead!

Burger King responded brilliantly:

A surprising fact I learned while putting this together is that Trump gaffes, when committed in an official capacity, are memorialized by the official White House records.

An example is when Trump saluted parents who sacrifice for the FURNITURE of their children.  It’s in the official White House transcript:

One that truly baffles me is that Trump has repeatedly, and on multiple occasions, claimed that the F-35 Stealth aircraft is LITERALLY INVISIBLE.

 I personally think he has a Wonder Woman fixation – and is thinking of her “Literally Invisible” plane:

 One of my favorites is during a July 4th celebration the Teleprompter stopped working, and Trump had to wing it.  If you had any doubt how the Revolutionary War was going to turn out, Trump reassured you that the tides changed in our favor when Gen. Washington was able to take over all the airports:

 

Our Army manned the air, it ran the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.”

Here’s George commanding our “Revolutionary” Air Force:

And I guess George agreed with Tom Cruise even way back then that …

“I felt the need … the need for speed”

There are so many more Trump gaffes, I’m going to switch to compilation videos to help out.

We’ve all known that Trump – combining his 3rd grade reading level and difficulty using a Teleprompter – produces disastrous pronunciations.

 

Even when a person is standing right next to him, Trump can NOT remember anyone’s name.

And we’ll close with one from the Daily Show.  We’re all aware that Trump et al have been trying (with no success) to convince folks that Biden’s going senile.  With a clever job of splicing, the Daily Show was able to turn the tables and make Fox News extremely concerned about Trump’s mental acuity – using his own words!

I’ve left out quite a few – but I did try to select the ones that amused me the most.  But I think it’s time I move on to another topic next week.

Hopefully you feel better armed to counter any claims mocking Biden’s mental acuity.

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A Day’s Delay

 Posted by at 2:34 pm  Politics
Aug 212020
 

Sadly, my neuropathy pain kept me awake all night last night.  I was hopeful that I’d be able to put it all together yet today – but I’ve dozed off at my desk twice today.

Should be able to get it posted on Saturday.

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Trump Gaffes – Part 1: Geography

 Posted by at 11:19 am  Politics
Aug 152020
 

We know that since Trump has no policies, programs or plans to use in trying to promote his reelection, he’s going to rely on doing what he always does: Mocking and denigrating his opponents.

Of course, one of the major themes he’ll go to time and again will be “Sleepy Joe” is getting senile or suffers from dementia, as witnessed here:

So I decided it would serve us well to “arm” ourselves by recalling some of the YUGE gaffes Trump has committed.  But I learned that it’s simply too YUGE of an undertaking for just one post, so I’m going to split it up into parts, trying to focus on one aspect at a time.

Today I’ll primarily be zeroing in on Trump’s Geography Gaffes.

Living in the KCMO Metro and being a proud Chiefs fan, I’ll start with the his Tweet (since deleted, so I only have a screenshot) congratulating the Chiefs on their great comeback victory over the 49ers – claiming they represented the “Great State of Kansas … so very well”.

Very nice – except the Chiefs are in the Great State of Missouri!

He really does have a problem with American geography – like his claim to be building his infamous “Wall” along the border of Colorado.  Just as with his Missouri-Kansas gaffe, he quickly deleted it.

But he could have just as easily corrected it with an instrument he’s intimately familiar with – his Sharpie:

But he feels no need to limit his geographical blunders to the USA when he has the whole world available to him.

Only heaven knows why, but Trump has called the country of Belgium “A beautiful city.”

When hosting a visit by Indian PM Modi, Trump actully told Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi that “It’s not as though you have China right on your border.”   Ahhh … Donnie – have you EVER looked at a map?

For the record, India’s 2,500-mile border with China is more than 500 miles longer than the U.S. border with Mexico.

And for some odd reason, Trump thinks that Paris is in Germany.

One of my favorites is when Trump finally learned that Nepal & Bhutan were NOT parts of India (they’re not) – but actually individual countries (they are).

And Trump gets Bonus Points for pronouncing them “Nipple” and “Button”.  (No – really … he did.  He’s that dumb!)

Trump was exercising some of those amazing Article II powers that he believes grants him “the right to do whatever I want as president”.  (Yeah – he really said that) when he created a brand new African nation out of whole cloth in referring to the country of “Nambia” — not once, but TWICE.

Aides had to later clarify to a confused audience that “Nambia” does NOT exist, and that Trump was trying to refer to Namibia – and not Zambia or Gambia.

While we’re on the African CONTINENT, Trump has repeatedly called Africa a “country”.

Then there was the time Trump created a diplomatic furor when he accused the leaders of the Baltic states of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania of being responsible for starting the war in Yugoslavia in the 1990s.

The leaders figured out that he had mixed up “Baltic” with “Balkan.”  (Hey – they sound a good deal alike.)

It’s a well-documented fact that Trump is a famous name dropper.  Fortunately Prince Charles was a good sport when Trump called him the “Prince of Whales”.  (Don’t bother getting out your maps of the UK – it only exists in Trump’s mind.)

We can only imagine how Trump would mangle meeting the Dauphin of France.

And why should he limit himself to Earth when he has the whole universe to screwup – like claiming that the Moon is part of Mars.

Sticking with our Solar System, that flub prompted one person to respond in a Comment by suggesting something that I believe would be anatomically difficult to do:

NSFW

https://twitter.com/tonyposnanski/status/1137051501107589120

Without a doubt, his most famous geographical gaffe has been his longstanding belief that Honolulu is located in Kenya!  The good citizens of Honolulu had fun greeting him at the airport with mocking signs when he stopped in Hawaii on his return from South Asia .

And I want to close by sharing my current favorite GIF in a side-by-side demonstration that Biden does NOT have dementia but does have way more stamina than Trump could ever hope to have:

 

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Friday Mea Culpa

 Posted by at 3:29 pm  Politics
Aug 142020
 

No changing of horses in midstream this time – but I did bite off more than I can chew.  The post simply got way too long.

So I’m going to have to go back and divide it up into several parts that I’ll post at different intervals to keep it fresh.

I just haven’t decided the best way to divvy it up yet – but should have it done by tomorrow.

Sorry.

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