SoINeedAName

Friday Fun: “THE BEST … IS YET … TO COME!!!”

 Posted by at 2:59 pm  Politics
Aug 282020
 

I was certain the RNC Convention would prove to be a treasure trove for my “Friday Fun” post – but I wasn’t expecting THIS bumper crop!  With as much grist for mill as they sowed, it took me a lot longer to winnow the wheat from the chaff.  (Can you tell I miss my days on the family farm?)

I’d be derelict if I didn’t give top billing to Junior’s new main squeeze, Kimberly Guilfoyle.

It’s not often, but on a rare occasion I’m actually a bit relieved to have my hearing deficit – and apparently her speech SCREAMED on opening night is one of those.  The neighbor told me that he heard her entire screech – and his TV wasn’t even on!

Guilfoyle was certainly a champion Meme Generator – so let’s sample a few of the ones I enjoyed most.  To begin, here’s a compilation of folks reprising her shouted signature closing.

Having failed to keep up with the “cool kids” for decades now, I appreciated learning quite a bit about more recent culture trends than Howdy Doody, American Bandstand, or even Candid Camera.  So, for all you Power Ranger aficionados, she reminded lots of folks of Rita Repulsa.

Being more old-school, I’d go with Evita …

Or even Cruella de Vil …

But no matter which persona you see her as, I think we can all agree that this is amazingly accurate description of her performance:

Given that Junior’s contribution featured his rapid-fire delivery, bloodshot, watery, dilated eyes and sweaty skin, many people are saying he and Kimberly shared their Stash before appearing.  Having seen my share of cocaine complications among teens, I could not argue against that observation.

Based on Kim and Junior’s performances, it’s fair to conclude that Rethuglicans have lost their “War on Drugs”:

 

Seems to me that if SIX of the twelve “Keynote Speakers” share the same last name as Dear Leader, it’s fair to conclude the GOP is currently drifting into North Korea territory.

But there was good and understandable reason for that …

If you happen to be wondering why you never received your gold-embossed Summons … errr … Invitation to any of the events – that, too, can be easily explained:

Of course, there were other speakers, like the McCloskeys from St. Louis who had a unique qualification beside donating huge amounts of money …

And Donnie was heartbroken to learn that Jerry Falwell, Jr. turned down his invitation to speak at the convention.  But as we’ve recently learned from his pool boy, Giancarlo Granda …

Despite their promises to the contrary, the RNC Convention exposé was a four-day forum of forlorn, dark, oppressive and depressing presentations.  Rod Serling provides the reason for that:

And Charlie Brown easily provides the closing take-home lesson from their four-day debacle:

No doubt we all agree it’d be great if we could just skip ahead to the time when we have a vaccine … and Trump is in prison!

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Trump Gaffes – Part 2: War on Error

 Posted by at 10:56 am  Politics
Aug 222020
 

Trump Gaffes Part 2 will focus on his verbal, pronunciation and spelling slipups, and I’ll start with the low-hanging fruit.

While it’s impossible to figure out the very first Trump gaffe, one of the earliest ones was just a couple of months into his administration – back in May of 2017.  As always, Trump just deletes anything he deems embarrassing – so there’s only a screenshot of his famous whine about negative press Covfefe:

But just because Trump deletes it doesn’t mean the Twittersphere is going to let it pass.

Once the Mueller Investigation began, I don’t think Trump let a day pass without whining about something.  One of his longer whines was when he claimed that Democrats were unable to find a Smocking Gun.

(No idea why, but he let this one remain.)

Fortunately the Twitterverse was able to locate the Smocking Gun:

(One thing we can all agree on is that Trump has never COLLUDED with a Spell Checker.)

After the Clemson football team was crowned national champions, Trump invited them to the White House.  But his self-induced government shutdown (because the funding bill didn’t include money for his Wall) meant the White House kitchen staff was gone – so he had to improvise.

But who knew that rather than standard fast food fare, he would elect to get Hamberders instead!

Burger King responded brilliantly:

A surprising fact I learned while putting this together is that Trump gaffes, when committed in an official capacity, are memorialized by the official White House records.

An example is when Trump saluted parents who sacrifice for the FURNITURE of their children.  It’s in the official White House transcript:

One that truly baffles me is that Trump has repeatedly, and on multiple occasions, claimed that the F-35 Stealth aircraft is LITERALLY INVISIBLE.

 I personally think he has a Wonder Woman fixation – and is thinking of her “Literally Invisible” plane:

 One of my favorites is during a July 4th celebration the Teleprompter stopped working, and Trump had to wing it.  If you had any doubt how the Revolutionary War was going to turn out, Trump reassured you that the tides changed in our favor when Gen. Washington was able to take over all the airports:

 

Our Army manned the air, it ran the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.”

Here’s George commanding our “Revolutionary” Air Force:

And I guess George agreed with Tom Cruise even way back then that …

“I felt the need … the need for speed”

There are so many more Trump gaffes, I’m going to switch to compilation videos to help out.

We’ve all known that Trump – combining his 3rd grade reading level and difficulty using a Teleprompter – produces disastrous pronunciations.

 

Even when a person is standing right next to him, Trump can NOT remember anyone’s name.

And we’ll close with one from the Daily Show.  We’re all aware that Trump et al have been trying (with no success) to convince folks that Biden’s going senile.  With a clever job of splicing, the Daily Show was able to turn the tables and make Fox News extremely concerned about Trump’s mental acuity – using his own words!

I’ve left out quite a few – but I did try to select the ones that amused me the most.  But I think it’s time I move on to another topic next week.

Hopefully you feel better armed to counter any claims mocking Biden’s mental acuity.

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A Day’s Delay

 Posted by at 2:34 pm  Politics
Aug 212020
 

Sadly, my neuropathy pain kept me awake all night last night.  I was hopeful that I’d be able to put it all together yet today – but I’ve dozed off at my desk twice today.

Should be able to get it posted on Saturday.

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Trump Gaffes – Part 1: Geography

 Posted by at 11:19 am  Politics
Aug 152020
 

We know that since Trump has no policies, programs or plans to use in trying to promote his reelection, he’s going to rely on doing what he always does: Mocking and denigrating his opponents.

Of course, one of the major themes he’ll go to time and again will be “Sleepy Joe” is getting senile or suffers from dementia, as witnessed here:

So I decided it would serve us well to “arm” ourselves by recalling some of the YUGE gaffes Trump has committed.  But I learned that it’s simply too YUGE of an undertaking for just one post, so I’m going to split it up into parts, trying to focus on one aspect at a time.

Today I’ll primarily be zeroing in on Trump’s Geography Gaffes.

Living in the KCMO Metro and being a proud Chiefs fan, I’ll start with the his Tweet (since deleted, so I only have a screenshot) congratulating the Chiefs on their great comeback victory over the 49ers – claiming they represented the “Great State of Kansas … so very well”.

Very nice – except the Chiefs are in the Great State of Missouri!

He really does have a problem with American geography – like his claim to be building his infamous “Wall” along the border of Colorado.  Just as with his Missouri-Kansas gaffe, he quickly deleted it.

But he could have just as easily corrected it with an instrument he’s intimately familiar with – his Sharpie:

But he feels no need to limit his geographical blunders to the USA when he has the whole world available to him.

Only heaven knows why, but Trump has called the country of Belgium “A beautiful city.”

When hosting a visit by Indian PM Modi, Trump actully told Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi that “It’s not as though you have China right on your border.”   Ahhh … Donnie – have you EVER looked at a map?

For the record, India’s 2,500-mile border with China is more than 500 miles longer than the U.S. border with Mexico.

And for some odd reason, Trump thinks that Paris is in Germany.

One of my favorites is when Trump finally learned that Nepal & Bhutan were NOT parts of India (they’re not) – but actually individual countries (they are).

And Trump gets Bonus Points for pronouncing them “Nipple” and “Button”.  (No – really … he did.  He’s that dumb!)

Trump was exercising some of those amazing Article II powers that he believes grants him “the right to do whatever I want as president”.  (Yeah – he really said that) when he created a brand new African nation out of whole cloth in referring to the country of “Nambia” — not once, but TWICE.

Aides had to later clarify to a confused audience that “Nambia” does NOT exist, and that Trump was trying to refer to Namibia – and not Zambia or Gambia.

While we’re on the African CONTINENT, Trump has repeatedly called Africa a “country”.

Then there was the time Trump created a diplomatic furor when he accused the leaders of the Baltic states of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania of being responsible for starting the war in Yugoslavia in the 1990s.

The leaders figured out that he had mixed up “Baltic” with “Balkan.”  (Hey – they sound a good deal alike.)

It’s a well-documented fact that Trump is a famous name dropper.  Fortunately Prince Charles was a good sport when Trump called him the “Prince of Whales”.  (Don’t bother getting out your maps of the UK – it only exists in Trump’s mind.)

We can only imagine how Trump would mangle meeting the Dauphin of France.

And why should he limit himself to Earth when he has the whole universe to screwup – like claiming that the Moon is part of Mars.

Sticking with our Solar System, that flub prompted one person to respond in a Comment by suggesting something that I believe would be anatomically difficult to do:

NSFW

https://twitter.com/tonyposnanski/status/1137051501107589120

Without a doubt, his most famous geographical gaffe has been his longstanding belief that Honolulu is located in Kenya!  The good citizens of Honolulu had fun greeting him at the airport with mocking signs when he stopped in Hawaii on his return from South Asia .

And I want to close by sharing my current favorite GIF in a side-by-side demonstration that Biden does NOT have dementia but does have way more stamina than Trump could ever hope to have:

 

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Friday Mea Culpa

 Posted by at 3:29 pm  Politics
Aug 142020
 

No changing of horses in midstream this time – but I did bite off more than I can chew.  The post simply got way too long.

So I’m going to have to go back and divide it up into several parts that I’ll post at different intervals to keep it fresh.

I just haven’t decided the best way to divvy it up yet – but should have it done by tomorrow.

Sorry.

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Friday Fun: Caesar “The No Drama Llama” McCool

 Posted by at 3:24 pm  Politics
Aug 072020
 

Yet again I’m violating that old dictum of “Don’t change horses in midstream”.  But this time I’m changing to a llama!  Specifically, to Caesar “The No Drama Llama” McCool, owned by Larry McCool of Jefferson Oregon.

(I just read about Caesar right after lunch – so I threw this together in a hurry.  But trust me – this story has a lot more panache than what I had ready to go.  But I’ll foist that on you another time.)

What makes Caesar so unique is his unusual demeanor for a llama, which are usually solitary animals and not all that fond of humans.  But Caesar is loving and relishes interacting with people to the point he’s actually become a “llama therapist”.

Caesar is a 6-year-old Argentine grand champion show llama who lives at McCool’s Mystic Llama farm.  Before the COVID-19 Pandemic and the BLM protests, Caesar was busy offering emotional support and hugs (he actually nuzzles back when he gets a hug “It’s all I can do to keep him from snuggling” McCool claims) to retirement centers, foster homes and schools.

But for the past several months McCool has brought him to Black Lives Matter marches at least ten times, including five in Portland (which is 75 miles from Jefferson) to help with emotional support.

McCool says Caesar is actually a “llamactivist” who’s been busy with social and charity events, and has participated in more than 50 marches over the years for various social justice and environmental issues.

It was this impressive résumé that inspired McCool to bring him to the Portland protests as a calming influence for both the protestors and police.  And Caesar’s been a wildly popular success with all parties!

 

At 5′-8″ and 350 pounds, you would think Caesar might be intimidating.  But people line up to pet his soft wool and give him a hug – and his calm demeanor just rubs off on folks.

McCool says that he’s very careful to monitor the situation, and the minute he sees or senses events getting too rambunctious, he and Caesar more to a safe zone.

Caesar may not be able to talk, but he can sense the vibe of his surroundings.  McCool reports that on June 9th when 5,000 people laid down on the Burnside Bridge in Portland for 8 minutes 46 seconds in memory of George Floyd, Caesar was right there and stood stock-still for 9 minutes.  He was able to grasp the gravity of the moment.

And Caesar travels in style.  He has his own trailer with two inches of foam padding to protect and keep him comfortable and safe.  And we’re thankful for that.

After all, McCool shares that he’s seen huge, muscular protestors in makeshift body armor come up and give Caesar a hug for over a minute with tears streaming down their faces.  Then turning to McCool say “Man, did I need that!”

“Maybe they’re going to have a better day because of a llama hug.  Who would have thought a llama could bring this much joy?”

Pretty sure ALL sides can give Larry McCool and Caesar a huge “THANK YOU!” hug for a job well done!

SOURCES:

https://www.insider.com/caesar-the-no-drama-llama-keeping-peace-portland-protests-2020-8

https://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2020/08/07/us/07reuters-global-race-protests-llama.html

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Sunday Smiles: Tweets to Hopefully Tickle Your Funny Bone

 Posted by at 7:59 pm  Politics
Aug 022020
 

No doubt we’ve all hit our “funny bone” at one time or another.  So what is your “funny bone”?  Well, actually it’s not a bone – it’s a nerve.  Specifically the ulnar that runs from your neck to your hand.  And like most nerves it’s protected by bones, muscles & ligaments.

BUT when it passes through the elbow in the cubital canal at the end of the humerus (humerus – “humorous” … get it?) it’s only protected by skin.  So when you bump it you experience that trifecta of numbness, tingling and PAIN.

Always curious why they call it the “funny bone” – because there’s nothing “funny” about it.  I just like puns.

(If you’re wondering why it’s so late, it’s because my relatives unexpectedly stopped over this afternoon for a surprise visit to enjoy a break in the weather from the oppressive heat we’ve been suffering through.  Being the good host that I am, we all enjoyed a few libations.  “And a good time was had by all….”)

On to the hopefully “humorous” part.

I’ve curated a few Tweets the tickled my “funny bone” (humerus – “humorous” … get it?).

The first captures a question I’ve actually long wondered about:

 Next are the McCloskeys – the Bonnie & Clyde couple of the uber-rich in St. Louis.  Not that threateningly waving around a AR-15 rifle and a semiautomatic handgun is particularly amusing – but I found this likely conversation pretty funny:

It’s not all that often that a typo, especially from the prestigious BBC, is both accurate AND entertaining – but it perfectly pegs that UK right-wing Brexiter Nigel Farage perfectly:

And for all the Trumpkin idiots who refuse to wear a mask – but think actual TRUE Patriots wearing a mask will protect them … a lesson they might actually understand:

It’s NEVER a good idea to use ominous video clips from YOUR tenure to try and cast blame on your opponent:

Couldn’t pass up at least one “Pick the Elephant” Cognitive Test Tweet:

Fucker Tucker Carlson has certainly had a rough past few weeks – and deservedly so!  But I echo the poster’s sentiment: “And the downside is …?”

We’ve all read that Melania, realizing her time in the White House is limited, has decided to undertake a Rose Garden renovation.  But you’ve probably not seen a preview of her plans … yet:

Even those who might not be medically oriented, you’ll still have to wonder about this:

And staying on that medical theme – another “Is That Even Anatomically Possible?” head-scratcher.

 

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