I can identify with Barack Obama’s evolution on gay rights, as over the years, my own view has evolved from hostile homophobia, through tolerance, through acceptance of civil unions, but not marriage to where I stand now in full support of LGBT rights. The journey would not have been possible without the friendship and patience of several gay and lesbian friends over the years, who taught me through their patience with me and tolerance of me that friends are friends, because they are friends, regardless of who they love.
I see this as a complex issue because marriage is both a civil and a religious institution. If a denomination or congregation opts to define LGBT as sin, that is their prerogative. There should be no requirement for them to preform ceremonies to which they object. But they have no right to impose their objection on denominations and congregations that accept LGBT couples, let alone prevent civilly perfor5mned weddings. Their sanctity of marriage argument fails. Good grief! When a heterosexual couple can go to Vegas and be married by an Elvis impersonator, how can anyone claim that the sanctity of that union is superior to a gay marriage? The sanctity of a marriage depends on the quality of the relationship between two individuals, not their gender. Also, there is no justification for a civilly performed marriage to be distinct from a religiously performed marriage in any way.
Yesterday I received an email from the Obama campaign.
Friend —
Today, I was asked a direct question and gave a direct answer:
I believe that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.
I hope you’ll take a moment to watch the conversation, consider it, and weigh in yourself on behalf of marriage equality:
http://my.barackobama.com/Marriage
I’ve always believed that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally. I was reluctant to use the term marriage because of the very powerful traditions it evokes. And I thought civil union laws that conferred legal rights upon gay and lesbian couples were a solution.
But over the course of several years I’ve talked to friends and family about this. I’ve thought about members of my staff in long-term, committed, same-sex relationships who are raising kids together. Through our efforts to end the "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy, I’ve gotten to know some of the gay and lesbian troops who are serving our country with honor and distinction.
What I’ve come to realize is that for loving, same-sex couples, the denial of marriage equality means that, in their eyes and the eyes of their children, they are still considered less than full citizens.
Even at my own dinner table, when I look at Sasha and Malia, who have friends whose parents are same-sex couples, I know it wouldn’t dawn on them that their friends’ parents should be treated differently.
So I decided it was time to affirm my personal belief that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.
I respect the beliefs of others, and the right of religious institutions to act in accordance with their own doctrines. But I believe that in the eyes of the law, all Americans should be treated equally. And where states enact same-sex marriage, no federal act should invalidate them.
If you agree, you can stand up with me here.
Thank you,
Barack
And here is that video.
Rachel Maddow’s input is particularly significant, given her personal struggle for justice on this issue over the years.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Even if Obama has not made this statement, his policies have been better for LGBT rights than any other President ever. That’s what matters most.
To my LGBT friends, I share your joy, as do all people of good will.
20 Responses to “Obama Evolved”
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The debate rages in the United Kingdom as well. We already have civil partnerships but not marriage equality. The current proposal is to legalise same sex civil marriage but will enshrine in the Law the notion that religious marriage is only between a man and a women. Presumably, this is a typically British fudge to placate the lofty preachy men who’ve got their cassocks in a twist. One minute I think I just can’t support this silly nonsense that will introduce a kind of marriage apartheid. The next minute I think that this is a step in the right direction. Maybe it won’t matter as the Government seem to be running scared and getting cold feet anyway. The Act was not included in this year’s Queen’s Speech which sets out the Government’s legislative agenda for the coming Parliamentary session. This smacks of political cowardice. The law may eventually pass and, if it does, I suspect the dust will settle and people will wonder what all the fuss was about. Perhaps an amendment will then be carried to remove the discriminatory religious marriage clause and allow all those religious organisations who wish to conduct ceremonies for same sex couples to do so.
Interestingly, in my current foster country Turkey, a Muslim majority country, religious marriage is not recognised by the State. As a secular republic, anyone wishing to marry (that’s opposite sex couples by the way) must do so in a State registry office. Those who are religious then have their union blessed by an imam, priest, rabbi, etc.
Thanks for the excellent background, Jack. Making all marriage civil with separate religious ceremonies for those who want them does make a lot of sense!
I got excited yesterday when he President Obama was talking about excepting a person no matter what. It is true one must look in the eyes of a child. There you will not see any person of color,gender or preference treated differently because of it. Just like when in war I got your back and you got mine. Nothing eles matters It’s a great day for going forward. Human rights. Change takes time but we have taken a step and it feels good. Thanks TomCat
I signed, shared and support… It’s not about me, it is for equal rights for all Americans…
I agree, Mama!
I am thinking that MOST people have evolved in their thinking. I was a bit hostile in my 20’s when gals ‘came on to me’ and the guys I had MY eyes on were eying each other…THAT had more to do with MY self esteem than any real thoughts about equality and/or human rights. Now at 60 yrs old I simply DO NOT CARE WHO LOVES WHOM~ I don’t care if it is called marriage or union. We heterosexuals have made a shambles & mockery of marriage LONG BEFORE gays were more than a whisper. I still want men to start treating women as EQUALS…we haven’t even reached that bar in the USA…MOST men SAY they treat women equally. but they DON’T in the eyes of MOST women. That being said, I think we can ALL do better at the GOLDEN RULE…ESPECIALLY the Christians by whom and for, it was written~
Zada, don’t all faiths have versions of the golden rule? Even Republican supply-side pseudo-Christianity has, “Hw who has the gold makes the rule.
Given that our society should draft laws favoring utility over religious dogma – and most certainly not with animus toward any one status – it would be wise to legislate in a manner to have as many of our citizens living in social norms that promote stability, faithfulness and caring. Seemingly, marriage is a perfect vehicle to accomplish that.
“When Constitutional protection is applied equally, everyone in society benefits. Not just the minority, not just the downtrodden, not just the oppressed – but everyone.”
Well said Nameless! Hope you don’t mind that I copied your flag.
Amen Nameless!! LOL!
‘As long as people don’t do it in the streets and scare the horses-‘- it is no concern of mine- and none of my business who marries who ! Anothers marriage has nothing to do with mine–
But where’s the fun, if I don’t get to scare the horses? 😉
My epiphany came when I was a teenager, and it came from an old man.
My father, to be exact. He’d have been about 60 or so then.
As teenage boys everywhere did back then, we used “fag” as a slur. One young man we just knew was a fag was the object of our derision one afternoon, and the old man happened to overhear the conversation.
Later that evening, he asked me why we were bad-mouthing the kid. “Is he bothering you? He make a pass at you or something?” When I said he hadn’t, my father said that it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him for us to be concerning ourselves with how someone else lives. “Seems to me there’s probably some things about you that a lot of people won’t like. Things that shouldn’t concern them.”
My views began to, as the President says, evolve from that day forward.
Your father was wise, indeed!
I was raised in my teen years in a small town, hell there were only a few black families in town much less gays. There were gays in school, but they hid it very well. The first time I learned about gays was when I moved to Chicago a gf wanted to take me to the Gay Days. I had no idea what this was about but I went anyway. It was a bit of a shock to my system seeing men kiss men and I even got hit on about 5 times. That freaked me out a bit, but they were nice about it (by the look on my face I’m sure). So when all this madness about gay marriage came around, I evaluated it on the basis of how does this affect me. It didn’t bother me at all because I hadn’t even known that they couldn’t marry. So I was saying yes to it because it had no affect on me.
My cousin is gay and finally came out a few years ago. I hugged her and said “FINALLY”. She was shocked at how many if us already knew. I always knew there was something different about her, but didn’t have a word for it. She always looked confused when we would talk about boys and I’m sure that she didn’t know why this was occurring to her.
So, let them marry!!
Amen Lisa!
I congratulate him for doing this. it’s way past due.
On another note, Romney wants to add an amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Does he realize that his grandfather moved to Mexico so that he could have multiple wives? So that’s marriage between a man and a woman and a woman and another woman, etc.
An excellent demonstration of the contrast!
Great comments everyone!
On Care2, there have been 2 articles so far under “Marriage = Love, Family, Commitment“, one with a lesbian cub scout leader who was asked to resign, and a second with actor Stanley Tucci. Both moving and excellent. I think that if truth were known, most people would say that their acceptance of LGBT persons have evolved.
When I was much younger, I was at the home of a lesbian couple with some other friends when one of the women hit on me. I backed off and was not too pleased. She apologised to me and said she thought that because I was not married (I was about 33 at the time) that I was a lesbian. Over the following days and weeks, I thought about the incident and my reaction. I had always believed that ALL people are equal — that is how my parents and my paternal grandparents raised me. Nothing had changed that. What I reacted to was the seeming lack of commitment of one partner to the other. You see, my father took off with another woman and her 4 kids when I was 10 years old, leaving my mother and 2 growing kids. In another incident years later, Daniel, my hairdresser’s assisstant (great hands for a head massage when washing hair!) made some comments about being a ‘party boy’ (his words). I gave him a hard time about it and spoke to him of commitment. Within a few years, I was presiding at Daniel’s memorial service — he had jumped off an apartment building after being tested for being HIV positive. In another incident, a co-worker whom I had just met and I would supervise, invited me to her home for a drink after an office party. She very bluntly said “I’m gay, and this is MaryAnne my partner.” I shook hands with MaryAnne and we all sat down for I think 4 hours just talking. My co-worker, Alex, was testing the waters of how I felt about her being a lesbian, and was stunned that she didn’t get a reaction from me. We became friends after that.
For me, it is not who you love but how you love. You can love someone, but without commitment, it is just lust! This applies equally to heterosexual and homosexual couples. I’ve had clients and friends that were/are homosexual but have been in monogamous committed relationships for 20, 30 and 40 years. To stay committed to one person for that long, whether heterosexual or homosexual, takes work, compromise, listening, communication and caring. Commitment is to be celebrated.
How does anyone else’s marriage affect me? It doesn’t! It is simply a sign that a loving commitment has been made. The pseudo Christians are trying to make their ‘religious abomination’ everyone’s. They use biblical quotes etc. But something stymies me — why then are they not also going after agnostics or atheists for not believing in their God? They sure do go after all Muslims. Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want that. Everyone should have the freedom of and from religion. But this is one of the dicotomies of their argument.
Marriage = Love, Family, Commitment !!!!!
Great article. I am glad to see that Mr Obama is clearing up any doubt that people might have seen. Attitudes do evolve and go forward. It takes someone who is capable of self reflection and discernment to evolve. This is leadership that we are seeing in Mr Obama.
There are none so blind as those who will not see!
For me, it is not who you love but how you love.
Bingo!