Today is Thanksgiving in the United States, and I am so thrilled. Not!
Not because I have nothing to be thankful for – I have plenty of reasons to be thankful, and I could make a very long list.
Not because of family issues, or because my nearest relatives (at least that I know of) are six hours away by car. Sometimes I get together with friends for a “Friendsgiving” or “Thanksliving” potluck feast; this year, though, I was unable to find one.
Not because of the food – even though I am a vegetarian and have been such for a number of years, there is plenty to eat that doesn’t involve the death or suffering of some unfortunate critter. I admit that I have occasionally had a bite or two of turkey for the sake of tradition. Just because it’s Thanksgiving I’ll eat like a horse – please pass the sweet potatoes, dressing/stuffing, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls, cornbread, and of course, the pie!
So why am I so lukewarm about Turkey Day?
Because the more I learn about it, the more I realize U.S. Thanksgiving is a bunch of turkey scat. Long articles have been written explaining how the OG Thanksgiving was utterly different from the popular ideas we have about the settlers and Native Americans getting together for a massive feast. Pilgrims would not have been dressed the way they are shown in a million Thanksgiving cartoons and clip-art pieces; in fact, they dressed in simple, modest clothes that could be colorful but were not flashy. Top hats, black jackets, and buckles on shoes? Male bovine excrement! Besides, know what the fete we identify as the first Thanksgiving was really about? Massachusetts Colony Governor John Winthrop was celebrating the safe return of Colonial hunters after they had slaughtered approximately 700 Pequot natives. Yep – the original Thanksgiving was a festival to honor a bloodbath.
The modern menu is light years removed from what would have been served at the feast. Descriptions of the festival mention “fowl” but not specifically turkey. Native Americans donated some deer, so venison would have been on the table. Seafood likely played a major role since mussels and lobsters were plentiful. There would have been no pies, though, since the settlers had run out of sugar. Potatoes, native to South America, had yet to gain enough popularity with Europeans so they could return to the New World, meaning that they would have been absent, too.
If you plan to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s, every form of transportation is going to be a nightmare. Because it’s late November, northern parts of the country could experience nasty weather, resulting in accidents and highway snarls. Air travel is a royal pain in the bottom – airlines price-gouge, airports turn into madhouses (stay the bleep away from Atlanta!), delayed flights can lead to missed connections. Even if you have a direct flight and leave plenty of time, you still have to deal with TSA and all the regulations on what you can’t put in your luggage.
Then you have to deal with your toxic, dysfunctional family. Relatives grill you like a burger patty: When are you gonna get married? When are you gonna get a decent job? Makes you long for your college days when you could cajole your classmates and/or dormitory neighbors into having a potluck Friendsgiving. The food may have been far from gourmet, but at least you didn’t have to feel as though you were dealing with the Spanish Inquisition.
Thanksgiving is probably the worst one day for food waste. Whoever is hosting cooks enough victuals to feed an army. Even after the family have all stuffed themselves till they feel like Trigger, and guests are encouraged to take home “care packages,” a lot of Thanksgiving offerings unfortunately wind up in the trash. How many of you got sliced turkey sandwiches in your school lunch boxes well into December? No point in bringing the leftovers to the office when all of your co-workers are trying to cram someone’s godawful green bean casserole down your craw.
Many are the websites with lists of reasons why Thanksgiving sucks, or tales of Thanksgiving dinner disasters. A lot of the latter are downright hilarious – since they didn’t happen to you. They also may make you thankful you don’t have to celebrate with your screwy family. What’s wrong with getting together with friends who treat you like a human being and don’t bug you about your personal life? You have better things to do on Turkey Day than be put through the wringer by your demanding parents and judgmental aunts and uncles.
It’s OK to celebrate all by yourself. Get some takeout, grab some craft beer or a good bottle of wine, stuff your face while watching the Detroit Lions lose, and count your blessings. No matter what your situation, you’re bound to realize you have a lot to be thankful for.
And while you are enjoying Thanksgiving, remember the horrible things that the Native Americans/First Nations peoples suffered for centuries. Remember the other side of the holiday’s history.
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