Experts in autocracies have pointed out that it is, unfortunately, easy to slip into normalizing the tyrant, hence it is important to hang on to outrage. These incidents which seem to call for the efforts of the Greek Furies (Erinyes) to come and deal with them will, I hope, help with that. As a reminder, though no one really knows how many there were supposed to be, the three names we have are Alecto, Megaera, and Tisiphone. These roughly translate as “unceasing,” “grudging,” and “vengeful destruction.”
Last week we discussed conspiracy theories. Then, I came across this story. It’s about s different kind of conspiracy – one I believe we can all get behind. It was sent to Wonkette anonymously, so they published it with no author’s name, so I can’t attribute it to the writer But I can’t imagine he or she would not want it to be shared. And so, here it is.
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A Little Bit of Christmas
An unsolicited submission from one among you that made me cry, and who wishes to remain anonymous.
My older daughter must have been seven or eight when she asked me to tell her the truth about Santa.
Truth is a dangerous thing as we all know. As Terry Pratchett says about the not-really-Santa of the Discworld:
YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING
And lying was a thing I did not want to do. So I told her that I would provide the absolute truth about Santa on our annual trip to meet her Grandparents in New York.
Every year we would go to the outrageous Rockefeller Center Christmas Special that is all money and glitter and then live camels on stage for the real Jesus feeling at the end. I admit it was fun. We then went to one family play as well.
Yes, we are very lucky.
If you have gone to one of those plays then you know that at the end the ushers offer some of the letters sent to the New York Times but not chosen by the New York Times to support. I know that it is not intentionally cruel. But there are so many.
There are so many letters. We took one back, and opened it. There was a barely teenager who wanted cool tennis shoes. There was a small girl, I believe 4t, who wanted a pretty Christmas dress. A and I shopped together, the two of us. We spent serious time in Footlocker before deciding on a truly fabulous shoe with the name of the most gorgeous basketball player in my lifetime on the side. The sales worker assured us that this was *the shoe* for the stylish just-now-a teenager. It was all about the brand. Then the dress. We thought about velvet blue with white teddy-bear fur trim. But a Christmas dress was what was wanted, so we went with red brocade with lace. We guessed the matching shoe size, and matching tights. I can not remember if we bought the muff or the hat. Muffs are so fun. They are highly underrated accessories for sheer fun.
We took the gifts back to the theater as instructed. The person opening the door was so charming, and so taken by the outfit she took us to see the manager as exemplars for the gifting program.
Then we went home.
Christmas morning I whispered to her as she opened her own gifts, “And now YOU are Santa. You have met the real Santa. It is a vast conspiracy of kindness.” We talked about how she knew she would have gifts under the tree, but many people do not. Discussing the joy of that anonymous mother — giving her children what they wanted — led to the discussion of the moms whose letters of hope went unanswered.
We had to stop going to plays. They were confusing to first my father then my mom as dementia took them. We stopped going to New York two years later, so the younger sibling never was able to share that experience.
Instead, when the younger came home from second grade saying there was a boy who said Santa was not real, my older child nodded decisively, “There is a Santa. I have met Santa. Next year, I will introduce you.” Then one weekend the next year, I dropped them off together at the Mall with an Angel Tree. (Not the Angel Tree for children with one parent in prison, but one sponsored by the local shelter.
That Christmas morning, we all became coconspirators.
As a small family of adults, we have been matching each gift to each other with a donation of equivalent size. It is more likely to be Heifer.com than Toys for Tots, and includes environmental charities as much as local Boys & Girls Clubs. This year it is the Senate race in Georgia.
We are still part of the conspiracy. And in 2020 that conspiracy is desperately needed.
The kindness is the point.
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AMT, I don’t know about anyone else, but to me, this story has “Yes, Virginia” beat six ways from Sunday. Of course, sharing it kind of has the effect of giving you the week off. And that’s fine. You deserve one. And you’ll likely need to rest up for what all is coming. Enjoy it.
The Furies and I will be back.
11 Responses to “Everyday Erinyes #243”
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Thanks so much Joanne–the one thing we always have to give is kindness, even when we see fewer people during shut downs, etc. (and kindness doesn’t always cost money).
So True. Also. money itself is certainly not kindness (more like the opposite). But for those of us who have some, even a little, transforming some of it into kindness is a poerful spiritual exercise.
Such a lovely story about Santa, and of love. And yes, the conspiracy and kindness is needed.
Living in Jersey as a kid, as a family, we used to go up to New York, to the Rockefeller Skating rink, and then to ‘Horn & Hardarts’ for lunch, in Manhattan. It was highly anticipated event for a few years, and I love those memories.
Thank you, Joanne for your sweet story.
My family always insisted/taught me that Santa was a REAL PERSON and, as children do, I believed them…to the point that when I learned otherwise, I was genuinely angry that they’d lied to me. So–when my daughter was little, I taught her that “Santa is someone who loves you.” This made the eventual transfer to her ”being Santa” for someone else much easier and less traumatic.
So many people think that all kids love Santa, or the idea of Santa, but in truth as many as 40% of kids are anywhere from nervous about him to absolutely terrified. I was one of the latter. If my folks (in my case, mother and grandmother – Mom was widowed) wanted my out of the way so they could wrap presents, theyonly had to hint that Santa was on the way and I’d be under the bed. When I found out he wasn’t real, I was too relieved to be angry.
What a charming story!
I honestly don’t remember when I learned the “truth” about Santa – but I definitely endorse the way she handled it. That wise mother definitely had a wonderful “Passing the Torch” approach.
I have a good friend from grade school days who’s an attorney and lives in Manhattan. Back when I had hearing I would visit him yearly in the fall to take in plays and musical events, and take a leaf-peeping trip upstate or even Vermont.
One year I went at Halloween (if you’re ever in NYC at Halloween, but SURE to take in the parade in Greenwich Village – what a hoot!) and stayed in to November. The Radio City Music Hall Christmas Extravaganza begins in the first week in November (well, not this year) – and so I went. It was amazing! Each production is so over-the-top it seems like it was the finale – but they just kept coming!
Sadly, I was never that at Christmas time – but maybe some day …
That is a very lovely story.
I was raised by atheist grandparents, but ever Christmas I would go, with some young buddies, Jewish and Christian to visit a neighbor who did Christmas decorations in a big way. As an adult, someone once told me (1999) that my grandparents “Stole God from you.” No such thing. Without a god, they were kind, caring and very focused on considerateness for others. I’m expect neither of them ever heard of the Ethical culture Society, but lived ethical lives.
Thanks for the lovely story, Joanne. In the end, it’s all about human kindness, isn’t it?
As a Dutch person, I wasn’t born in a Santa Claus tradition and because of my German/Jewish mother and seafaring father I missed out on Sint Nicolaas (Sinterklaas) too, the gift-bearing bishop from which Santa Claus evolved in the States. For us, the Christmas presents under the tree were always an act of human kindness.
What a sweet story.
In my younger years, I remember my mother telling me to come and help her place a snack and drink for Santa when he stopped by during the night when I was asleep. He’d always leave me a thank you note.
I enjoyed Christmas when my son was younger. Allowing me to enjoy watching him get so excited the night before Christmas. It brought memories of mine.
Always have been one to donate financially to local charities. Plus before Covid-19 I also donated home goods, school supplies, toys to hospitals, schools, women care facilities, elder homes, etc. Too bad, they can’t take those items now. Will just store them in my garage till times change in the future.
Thanks for the great story, Joanne
Yes I have been to the Christmas Special at the Rockefeller Center, in the 1960s and even way back then, it was a magnificent show. As for Santa, a legal expert might suggest that you examine his contract for a Santa clause.