Friday Fun: Captain Kangaroo & His Court

Today’s article is for Congress Critters who think Captain Kangaroo presided over Kangaroo Courts

(SPOILER ALERT: He didn’t.)

Just two short weeks ago we witnessed a display of breathtaking stupidity by republican Rep. Matt Gaetz (objecting to Chairman’s Schiff impeachment inquiry) to such a degree that it now makes us wonder if Louie Gohmert is truly the dumbest person to serve in Congress.

(Note to Louie: Matt Gaetz is doing a great “Here – old my beer” rendition.)

Now most of us, if we’ve even heard about Gaetz at all, it would be because of his history of generating mugshots for DUI and speeding ticket arrests.

But two weeks ago he joined forces with Rep. “Gym” Jordan to reveal that he believes the term “Kangaroo Court” originated from the beloved children’s TV show, Captain Kangaroo.

Matt Gaetz: "What we see in this impeachment is a kangaroo court and Chairman Schiff is acting like a malicious Captain Kangaroo." pic.twitter.com/QQPaj8sR0p

— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) October 8, 2019

Many of us Baby Boomers and some early Gen Xers can fondly recall Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans from our childhood days.  Bob Keeshan, who created his TV show (which aired from 1955 to 1984), was a kind and gentle soul.  And although he was a Marine during World War II, he was neither a Captain nor a Kangaroo nor even an Australian.  He originally hails from Queens, NY – Trump’s home borough growing up.

Captain Kangaroo gave himself that moniker because of his jacket’s huge pockets that held wonderful surprises – like a kangaroo’s pouch.

Whereas “Kangaroo Court” is a phrase referring to a biased tribunal that ignores due process; or an unauthorized trial by folks who have decided to take the law into their own hands; or a hasty judicial action that proceeds rapidly in leaps and bounds (like a kangaroo) to a foregone conclusion.

But it’s not surprising that Gaetz would believe that Captain Kangaroo presides over his eponymous court.  After all, Gaetz is everything Trump would want in a lap dog: loud, loyal, looney and happy to debase himself espousing talking points that a fifth grader would realize are too outlandish to believe.  Fortunately for Trump, Gaetz is that profoundly dumb.

Some folks believe that the phrase “Kangaroo Court” can be traced back to the 1849 California Gold Rush.  There was a large influx of Australians hoping to make their fortunes there since it was easier to get to California by sea than to travel across our broad country from the east coast.  Illegal prospecting was not looked on kindly and those “claim jumpers” were sternly dealt with by “kangaroo courts”. (Get it?)

Likewise, the innertubes decided to sternly deal with Gaetz’s stupidity.  Some folks were merciless in mocking Gaetz’s stupidity:

My childhood was forever traumatized by watching the death penalty trials on Captain Kangaroo. Also scarred by watching the terrorist Dennis the Menace, Lassie; the first trans star- a male dog passing as female, the crime family Andy's Gang, and lone shooter Quick Draw McGraw.

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) October 8, 2019

But Matt Blaze was kind enough to help Gaetz out filling him in on Captain Kangaroo’s TV show:

Fact Check: Captain Kangaroo was a popular television series in the mid and late 20th century in which innocent children were subjected to grueling show trials with fixed, preordained outcomes. https://t.co/xxB9KRH0gf

— matt blaze (@mattblaze) October 8, 2019

(It was noted by some wag that Corporal Punishment was a frequent guest on the Captain’s show.)

Someone provided a photo of Captain Kangaroo brazenly stuffing the Ballot Box right in front of Walter Cronkite.

Another pundit wondered how familiar Gaetz was with other children’s TV shows from that era.  (I know, I know – your reaction to that first photo is right below “Sweet …)

pic.twitter.com/nsBcXQEu5E

— sharon sponcel (@sharonsponcel) October 8, 2019

It’s interesting that before inventing Captain Kangaroo, Bob Keeshan played Clarabell the Clown on The Howdy Doody Show – which is the perfect segue for Bette Midler’s zinger:

Congressman Matt Goetz thought a “kangaroo court” had something to do with the Captain Kangaroo show? I hope someone explains to him that the *duties* of his office don’t have anything to do with Howdy.

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) October 9, 2019

Given Gaetz’s level of intellectual acumen, it’s fair to conclude that he undoubtedly thinks chocolate milk comes from brown cows. (Nothing gets by that man.)

Why, if you could combine Gaetz’s intelligence along with Gohmert, King, Nunes and Jordan you might get an IQ of 75.  But only if you spot them 50 points.  It’s amazing he remembers to breath on a daily basis.

And so we bid a fond adieu to “Gym” and Matt doing their best Captain and Mr. Green Jeans imitation – and thanking them for providing yet another episode of republican entertainment.  (At least they’re good for something.)