Friday Fun – Mic Drop Edition

I’m going to let the politicians do all the heavy-lifting for this week’s “Friday Fun” since I’m a bit busy getting ready to head up to Illinois to celebrate Mother’s Day with my Mom.

So let’s start things off with Carly Fiorina doing her best Three Stooges imitation with her recent plunge off a stage (she wasn’t injured) while the Cruz family pays no attention.  Well, to be fair, Heidi seems a tad concerned – but just for a second, before she gets back to the more serious task of waving to the crowd:

Given Boehner’s recent disavowal of Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh”, some cheeky wags claimed it was the Devil pulling Snarly down to Hades.  I disagree and I don’t mean to get all “Wizardly” on you – but after studying that clip, I wonder if any of you can see some little girl in ruby-red slippers who might have thrown a bucket of water on her?

Next we’ll move to the Master – Pres. Obama at the White House Correspondents Dinner.  Fortunately someone has kindly preserved his best one-liners for us – so without further ado:

1). Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be.

2). In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck, which means Congress now will flat-out reject my authority. And Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. And this is going to take some getting used to, it’s really going to — it’s a curve ball. I don’t know what to do with it.

3). And yet, somehow, despite all this, despite the churn, in my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major. And here’s the thing: I haven’t really done anything differently. So it’s odd. Even my aides can’t explain the rising poll numbers — what has changed, nobody can figure it out. [Slide of Cruz and Trump Shown] Puzzling …

4). A lot of folks have been surprised by the Bernie phenomenon, especially his appeal to young people. But not me, I get it. Just recently, a young person came up to me and said she was sick of politicians standing in the way of her dreams. As if we were actually going to let Malia go to Burning Man this year. That was not going to happen. Bernie might have let her go. Not us. I am hurt, though, Bernie, that you’ve distancing yourself a little from me. I mean, that’s just not something that you do to your comrade.

5). Look, I’ve said how much I admire Hillary’s toughness, her smarts, her policy chops, her experience. You’ve got to admit it, though, Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative just signed up for Facebook. “Dear America, did you get my poke?” “Is it appearing on your wall?” “I’m not sure I am using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.” It’s not entirely persuasive.

6). Meanwhile, on the Republican side, things are a little more — how should we say this — a little “more loose.” Just look at the confusion over the invitations to tonight’s dinner. Guests were asked to check whether they wanted steak or fish, but instead, a whole bunch of you wrote in Paul Ryan. That’s not an option, people. Steak or fish. You may not like steak or fish –but that’s your choice.

7). Although I am a little hurt that he’s not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising. You’ve got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras, and he says no? Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he at home, eating a Trump Steak tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? What’s he doing?

8). Of course, in fact, for months now congressional Republicans have been saying there are things I cannot do in my final year. Unfortunately, this dinner was not one of them. But on everything else, it’s another story. And you know who you are, Republicans. In fact, I think we’ve got Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner, they’re in the house, which reminds me, security, bar the doors! Judge Merrick Garland, come on out, we’re going to do this right here, right now. It’s like “The Red Wedding.”

9). But the prospect of leaving the White House is a mixed bag. You might have heard that someone jumped the White House fence last week, but I have to give Secret Service credit — they found Michelle, brought her back, she’s safe back at home now. It’s only nine more months, baby. Settle down.

10). And then there’s Ted Cruz. Ted had a tough week. He went to Indiana –- Hoosier country –- stood on a basketball court, and called the hoop a “basketball ring.” What else is in his lexicon? Baseball sticks? Football hats? But sure … I’m the foreign one.

And who will ever be able to forget his now iconic closing of “Obama out” with the mic drop.

But let’s not leave out the presumptive nominees of both parties.  I’ve heard Herr Drumpf claim that he will win the general election because he’ll get Democrats to abandon their party and crossover to vote for him as the Rethuglican nominee.

If that happens, the average IQ of BOTH parties would be greatly enhanced.

In hopes of unifying the party, Herr Drumpf has said he’s going to put Ben Carson in charge of his VP Search Committee.  Yeah, right – that should work out REALLY well ..

Lord knows your party needs LOTS of unifying.  After all, it’s been reported that not a single GOP presidential candidate since 1988 is going to show up at the convention. 

(Marco Rubio is also not going to attend.  But, hell – he doesn’t show up for anything anyway!)

Oh, and before I forget, Herr Drumpf – whether you have big hands or little hands – here’s a warning to you just in case you really, REALLY believe that Hillary Clinton is, in your words, “not tough enough” to handle the job …

Consider yourself warned!