A newly perceived possibility is striking fear into Teabaggers. They are realizing that, just maybe, the black man might win a second term and plunge America into Kenyan Muslim Nazi Communism. As a result, many are threatening to flee to Canada. Now let me make it clear that, as far as I’m concerned, Canada is welcome to every Bagger in the country, although I feat that Canadians may consider such an assault an act of war and retaliate. One thing is certain. Those Baggers are going to be shocked, as this article by Joshua Holland shows.
If there’s one thing that screams ‘patriotism’ and love of country, it’s fleeing the United States when a Democrat wins an election…
…The election could go either way, but Nate Silver gives Obama a 73 percent chance of winning right now. If he pulls it off, we think these folks are in for some surprises when they arrive in the land of oak leaves and maple syrup – here are a few things that may come as a shock to their conservative sensibilities.
1. Canadians Don’t Enjoy The Freedom to Work Their Asses Off and Be Poor
If there’s one thing we cherish down here, it’s liberty! And part of that liberty is the right, enshrined in our Constitution, to work ourselves like dogs and stay mired in poverty.
So, these good Real Americans are going to be shocked to find that (after December), the lowest minimum wage in Canada is $9.90. Jeez, our highest minimum is 9 bucks in Washington state, but for most of us it’s $7.25.
Even worse, there are crazy people up North trying to pass a living wage of $13. Gah – the socialism!
2. That Means Everyone’s Unemployed, Right?
We all know that raising the minimum wage brings about the econopocalypse — if not monsters from deep beneath the earth.
So, these folks may be in for quite a shock when they discover that Canada’s unemployment rate, when calculated the same way we do, is about 1.5 percentage points lower than ours.
3. Jean Poutine Isn’t the Prime Minister
One of those rascally Canucks had some fun at the expense of George W. Bush, asking him on the campaign trail if he appreciated getting the endorsement of Prime Minister Jean Poutine.
It may come as a shock that poutine is a concoction of French fries, cheese curds and gravy. The first 5 bites are the best thing you’ll ever put in your mouth, regardless of your culinary or sexual proclivities. Then, a moment later, it cools and congeals into a foul, gelatinous mush. Enjoy!… [emphasis added]
Inserted from <Alternet>
Photo credit: Orange Juice Blog
I have shared three of Holland’s ten with you, and the other seven are well worth the read, so I recommend clicking through to the original. And remember the 11th Commandment!
Thou shalt not commit Teabuggery!
47 Responses to “If Baggers Flee to Canada”
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Let them all go to Canada. MaybeCanadians need some comic relief.
Blue, we have the McKenzie brothers of Great White North fame so we have lots of comic relief, not to mention, that many "American" comedians are actually Canadians — I think it might be the long cold winters — think Jim Carey, Martin Short, Howie Mandel and others.
Teabaggers need not apply or try to breach the the border. Besides, we don't have "the right to bear arms" and that really pisses you Yanks off when you get turned back at the border minus your gun! Here, the right to bare arms means rolling up your shirt sleeves, or cutting off your shirt sleeves — really not recommended in the dead of winter!
Those are fightin' words, Blue. 😉
My understanding is that Canada is putting up a wall to repel them–I heard they placed a big order for cannons and crossbows–Hired a flock of out of work mercenaries , Since the big 'O' pulled out of Iraq , left a whole flock of 'em looking for work— Canada's ranks of unemployed are pretty sparse– had to hire Halliburton leftovers–;
Lookin' forward to the Big "O' new world—- sounds like he might amount to something after all—with all the Baggers gone– things might work–
Did hear tho Canada has already put a bounty on Boner, Sununo and a few others– they dont want the great north contaminated with all that poison :Stop 'em at the border-Round em up and put them to work– a real job might do them some good– Ya Think ??
You're right Phyllis — a honkin' big wall! But no cannons and crossbows. We are much more adept with hockey pucks and lacrosse balls. Just ask the two US Olympic hockey teams from 2010 — we kick ass with hockey pucks!! Mercenaries? No, we have a bunch of out of work hockey players ready and I know I will be on my part of the wall this afternoon practising my slap shot!
Every Republican/Teabagger that makes it into Canada will be sent to the Canadian gulag at the Arctic Circle to study the formation of sea ice, migratory patterns of the polar bears, and the effect of climate change on the Arctic. Bet they'll really love that!
Cannons and crossbows?!?
If they were smart like Rmoney, they would have stocked up on Horses and Bayonets!
LMAO!
Phyllis, that sounds like a plan to me!
Kenyan Muslim Nazi Communism: that's what I'm voting for!!!!!
Wish I had that on a bumper sticker, Tom.
There are a ton of places where you could have it made., Angie.
I feel peace of mind with President Obama at the helm, George W.'s decisions made me want to Flee to Canada. 🙂
Richard, you're welcome to come here, as are the rest of you fine folk. We have enough tea bags here so leave your baggers at home!
When Potomac Pinocchio was in office, I wanted Canada to annex the blue states. 😉
Please don't request that, Tom, I am doing all I can to turn Ky around, I don't want to be left behind!
That was years ago, Edie.
I think if Romney and Ryan win I may want to move to Canada
Ah, Canada. America with free heath care. But will the tea baggers be prepared to swear allegiance to the Queen?
Do you know Jack, in my 60 years, I have never sworn allegiance to the Queen, and I was born, raised and live in Canada. In fact there are a number of Canadians that would just as soon dump the monarchy. Personally I haven't given it that much thought. The monarchy is tradition, but at some point, all traditions do change.
As to free healthcare — that's a misnomer. By American standards it might appear free but it really isn't. It is mandatory, as a resident of Canada, to be enrolled in the provincial medical plan of the province of your residence. Can't see a doctor etc without it. And, if you turn up at emergency without provincial coverage, they will send you a bill, but it will be a damn sight less than the US. The "free" part comes out of your taxes.
Neither have I. It was tongue in cheek comment related to the Boston Tea Party and all that. In fact there are plenty of people in Britain who think that the monarchy is a bit anachronistic for the modern era. Old Liz has done a good job but we’ll see what happens when she dies. As for health care, nothing is free. It all has to be paid for but the question is how. I think the Canadian system is fairer and much closer to the European model (though I could be wrong on this!)
Not to worry Jack. I took it tongue in cheek! . . . although maybe I don't sound like it now that I reread my comment.
As to healthcare, I would agree that the Canadian system is much fairer and is quite similar to the European model.
I remember reading a while back, when Romney was prancing through Israel and talking up their health care system, that the US medical costs were about 16% of GDP while in Israel they are about 9%, and Canada is about 10 or 11% I believe. Both Israel and Canada have socialised medicine — that's a lot of healthcare CEO bonuses that you Americans are paying for! Mr Obama is on the right course. I really thought it was funny for Romney to talk like that when Israel has a socialised system.
Since they are swearing allegiance to Lord Willard, they would swear allegiance to anything white.
Thou shalt not commit Teabuggery!
So leave the Republican/Teabaggers at home, will you!
I've had a little fun with your comments — thanks.
There are 2 things that I think would be a real problem to Bagger sensibilities, that is assuming they have any. That is the US constitution's 2nd amendment and universal healthcare.
We have the right to bare arms here, 365 days of the year if we want, but we do not have the right to bear arms. Of handguns used in violent crime in Canada, 90% approximately are smuggled into this country from the US. We hear more and more often of gun violence with gangs etc. Just this past week, a Vernan BC man was arrested with a cache of about 88 assault rifles that he had arranged to smuggle in and sell. That is a definite no, no! We have strict gun control, and many, myself included, would like to see it stricter.
Universal healthcare has been around for close to 50 years — Tommy Douglas, leader of the CCF (forerunner of the New Democratic Party) and grandfather of actor Kiefer Sutherland, brought in universal healthcare to Saskatchewan and then in a varying timeline, the rest of Canada. The Teabaggers would really hate this because this would constitute big government interference. As to universal healthcare — it is mandatory, as a resident of Canada, to be enrolled in the provincial medical plan of the province of your residence. Can't see a doctor etc without it. And, if you turn up at emergency without provincial coverage, they will send you a bill, but it will be a damn sight less than the US. Yes our taxes might be a bit more, but look what you get! To boot, our doctors and nurses are first rate — they are always being sought out for positions in the US judging by the hiring fairs going on!
I remember reading a while back that the US medical costs were about 16% of GDP while in Israel they are about 9%, and Canada is about 10 or 11% I believe. Both Israel and Canada have socialised medicine — that's a lot of healthcare CEO bonuses that you Americans are paying for! Mr Obama is on the right course.
Another reason that Teabaggers wouldn't like Canada — there's NO Faux Noise (Fox News)! It is illegal here! Under the Canadian Radio Act, news reporting must be accurate and factual, something that Faux Noise knows nothing about.
I think the article covers things fairly well. Teabaggers have no idea what they would be getting into!
Oh, and if you guys send the Teabaggers here, they'll have to deal with me and at least 20 million of my closest friends! Who do you think will win than little "hands across the border" skirmish?
The humor in the article was, of course, that the fools are yammering about expatriating to a nation that has adopted virtually everything they hate.
Yup, I know. This is a great article!! I had a great deal of fun with this one! Part of the fun for me comes from knowing that too many Americans know absolutely nothing about Canada, the US's closest ally and trading partner, even to the point of believing that we all know eachother. Utterly astonishing! I know it doesn't apply to you guys.
Lynn, not only do they not know very much about our closest neighbor and ally, your beloved Canada, they know very little about the U.S.A.
I know. I was amazed that this took off all over.
More bluster from the steaming Tea Kettle Party!
I do wish they would leave. Farther away than Canada would be my preference, maybe a moon colony with Newtster as their leader?
MOON POLLUTION!!
Sorry. I wasn't thinking straight.
The GOP/TP/Koch $uckers should leave, the U.S. would be BETTER off if they did. You can't fix STUPID no matter how hard you try, and they are hopelessly broken. So if they want to act like a 2 year old, so be it, don't let the door knob hit you in the arse when you FINALLY leave, good riddance!!!!!
I can't disagree, Allen.
Mostly I love Canada, but when I was a goaltender I sure hated Canadians who had a Satanic ability to put the puck squarely into your crotch.
Those Canucks sure are mother puckers! 😉
If you get your Canadian slave, aren't you worried you might also get a frozen hockey puck?
Nope! No hockey stick for my Canuck!! 😉
I played hockey and was most often a goalie. In my case it was the shins because I only had pillows tied on with binder twine. That and being the only girl on an all boys team back in the early/mid 60's. Our aim can be deadly accurate — that's why the Brits wanted us on the allied side in WWI and WWII. Keep those frozen hockey pucks flying at the enemy.
One thing Canada does right is make it hard for us to migrate there. I don't think many teabaggers would make it in, at least not legally.
Maybe I could get there, my stepfather was Canadian.
It has changed sinde the Vietnam War days.
Fascinated by the comments on a very entertaining piece. Thanks, all.
Welcome Jude. 🙂
Thank YOU, and you're most welcome.
Gee I would happily migrate to Canada– if they want an old retired lady and her older retired hillbilly hubby—-I have a license tho-! might be able to get a job-?/ The hillbilly hubby tho— old steelworker ? He could bring his own guns and raccoon traps-? He has a crossbow-? Might fight off a tea bag or two—
I love Hockey– Grandpa played it — I even have an old puck- I would donate to a puck museum–
Think I could visit sometime ??- Not sure if I could get a passport tho—Maybe a one way trip ???
–
They'd be crazy not to take you!
We'll gladly take you and your "hillbilly" hubby but afraid you'll have to leave the guns there! Raccoon traps are ok, crossbow ok, puck absolutely! If you're going to help us on the barricades against the Teabaggers, I can get you a hockey stick. Put the puck in the freezer and then slap that puppy at a Teabagger right from the border barricade. Guaranteed to at least knock a few teeth out — even if you miss with the puck, the Bagger will dive for cover and do a face plant knocking his own teeth out!
I posted the whole article to Facebook, bet I will have a bunch of Republican replies tomorrow!
Yep! You'll be swamped!