As a break from our serious political study, I thought I’d give you three very funny pieces.
First, here is a wonderful email I received from my friend Sandi.
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.
Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian 🙂
I’d like to own a Canadian too. Wouldn’t you?
The second is from Andy Borowitz.
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – In a sign of his increasing prominence in the so-called Tea Party movement, a new poll shows Kentucky senatorial candidate Rand Paul topping former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin among voters who describe themselves as morons.
In the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, 42% preferred Paul, 36% preferred Palin, and the remaining 22% were unsure what the word “prefer” meant.
According to Davis Logsdon, who supervised the poll for the University of Minnesota, Paul’s surging popularity among morons is bad news for Palin, who previously had a lock on that important constituency.
“I never thought I’d say this, but if Palin is going to stay competitive with Paul, she’s going to have to start dumbing down her message.” More here.
He is a classic! But in Minnesota, shouldn’t that be a three way race including Michelle Bachmann?
Finally, here are Bill Maher’s New Rules from May 21.
Warning: profanity
He outdid himself on this one.
To see all the videos I’ve uploaded to You Tube, click here.
26 Responses to “A Triple Dose of Humor”
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OMG TC, hilarious!!
According to my Bible reading expert Mom, Jesus died for our sins, therefore the old testament is not to be lived by. Gays unite, you are safe!!!
That’s how I see it, Sue. He said he fulfilled the law and the prophets.
Wunderbar!
Thanks FG
Thank You, With all the shit going on around us, a bit of levity is just what was needed.
You’re welcome, Tim.
That letter to Laura Ingram was priceless! And I saw the Andy Borowitz thing on Huff Po the other day; once you realize he’s making fun of Repubs – he’s hilarious!
And I love Bill Maher – especially the part of the woman who won Miss America – you’d think all Hell had broken lose with that one. Seriously, we have much bigger BFDs than that – like, umm say, the Gulf Oil Gusher (that ain’t a spill – that’s a gusher!).
Thanks Lisa. The GOP only wants to blame Obama for the GOP Gulf Geyser.
Dr. Laura is as big a fake as Palin, et. al. Can’t find what she majored in in college – probably got a BS. Nothing about her Masters, altho exceptionally bright students can sometimes bypass a masters before entering a doctoral program. This is where the catch is. Her PhD is in Philology!!!
I believe I remember several years ago that the mental health profession screamed bloody murder when she was giving what passed as marital, personal and psychological advice.
Love the letter from the professor.
Isn’t Philology the study of language? That would hardly qualify her for that. Thanks, Leslie. I loved it too.
OOPS! I should have said physiology: the branch of biology dealing with the functions and activities of living organisms and their parts, including all physical and chemical processes.
I get these ‘ologies mixed up.
LOL! That qualifies her even less than Philology!
Loved all of it!
Thanks Diane. 🙂
While I’ve seen lots of variation on the Dr. Laura letter, I wonder if the letter preceded the famous “West Wing” parody of Dr. Laura, or did the letter come first? Here’s the clip from the “West Wing” episode (#14 – “The Midterms”) featuring that exchange:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlogQ
Since I’m deaf, I’m taking the liberty of including the transcript of the meaty section of Pres. Bartlett’s skewering of the Dr. Laura parody (although this YouTube includes the CC option):
Pres. Bartlett: I like how you call homosexuality an abomination
“Dr. Laura”: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the bible does.
Pres. Bartlett: Yes it does. Leviticus
“Dr. Laura”: 18:22
Pres. Bartlett: Chapter and verse … I want to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here:
I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleaned the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?”
While thinking about that, can I ask another. My chief of staff, Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it OK to call the police.
Here is one that is really important, because we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a death pig makes one unclean, Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?
Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother, John, for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?
Think about those questions, would you?
One last thing, while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building when the president stands, nobody sits.
Thanks Nameless. Dang! You have more resources at your fingertips than a Blue Dog has GOP fleas!
“I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.”
Ah, I can feel that person’s pain. At our local singles bar the other night, I thought that might be an effective pickup line. I went home alone that night.
LMAO! Next time walk ino the bar waving a red flag with an embedded question mark. 😉
From Special Eddie to James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. </em?
Sorry Professor. For al that learning, you haven't got a clue.
How can you tell?
You try for sex. Then suddenly it's …
Red Badge of Courage!
Ivan, I was rather hoping that you would reply stating your availability for ownership. 😉
This was a nice pick-me-up, has anyone ever heard Dr. Laura respond to any of this, or does she do the head in the sand routine when she is proved to be wrong and stupid?
Beach, when do the rabid right ever reply when someone deflates one of their sophisms?
No, not really.
…I was going to ask the professor what 40-year-old virgins have for breakfast.
Who is “Special Ed” here?
LOL, Ivan!
I’m a little late to the party here, but my sides are so sore I had to jump in. I just started reading your stuff TC and I can’t seem to stop!
Thanks for making my day. Sometimes sitting all alone in front of my little glowing screen I get so overwhelmed with despair at the idiocy of the people who have fallen under the spells of the right wing nuts that a little humor from compatriots can make the difference between diving into my own hole in the sand or continuing to think it may be OK to go on living.
BTW, SoINeedAName, I REALLY miss President Bartlett! I wish we could have elected him in 2000 instead of being stuck with the appointed smirking chimp.
Good Day to All!!
Thank you so much Diane. I would have returned your first visit earlier today, but I had to get a WordPress.com ID for your site. This runs on WordPress.org software in my own domain. I’ve seen out on other sites and we follow on Twitter. I liked what I saw there.
I also appreciate the importance of humor, so many of my comments are aff the wall, and here I post a daily cartoon in the Open Thread.
A question if I may. How did such a fine kitty,as I see displayed in your avatar become Dirk the Dog? 🙂